Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978) is a movie with a certain reputation, and it's not a good reputation.  It was not a commercial success, and it was savaged by critics and angry Beatles fans upon release.  On the other hand, I've been on a steady diet of Bollywood for the past few decades, so I am no stranger to confusing plots, endless musical numbers, and respected actors who are chewing the scenery and being well paid for it. 

Heartland, USA is an idyllic, if fictional small town that is most famous for being home to the legendary Sergeant Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band, who managed to win the First World War for the allies by being so gosh-darned inspiring.  (I think - the movie isn't really clear on this point.)  After the war the band spent a few decades going in and out of style, but eventually time catches up with us all, and when the Segeant died, he left his magical instruments in the care of the town's mayor, Mr. Kite (George Burns).  The instruments were kept in the town's wax museum, and as long as they remain in Heartland, the people of the world would know happiness and peace.

After twenty years a new Lonely Hearts Club Band forms, led by Pepper's grandson Billy Shears (Peter Frampton) and featuring the Henderson brothers, Mark (Barry Gibb), Bob (Maurice Gibb), and Dave (Robin Gibb).  Billy's brother Dougie (Paul Nicholas) is the manager, while Billy's sweetheart Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina) is there to provide wholesome small-town charm.  They're a big hit in Heartland, and powerful music mogul B. D. Hoffler (Donald Pleasence) thinks they can be a big hit everywhere.  He invites the band to come out to Hollywood and sign with his label.

This is a rock musical about the music industry made in the Seventies, so when the boys reach Hollywood they are immediately seduced by glitz, glamor, while Billy is literally seduced by Lucy (Dianne Steinberg), the lead singer of girl group Lucy and the Diamonds.  Meanwhile, in Heartland, real estate mogul Mean Mr. Mustard (Frankie Howerd) and his assistant (Carel Struycken, Star Trek's Mr. Homn) arrive in town in a high tech van with a supercomputer and two lady robots (Anna Rodzianko and Rose Aragon).  Their mission is to steal the instruments, and they do, easily, because they're just on display in the museum.  Mustard also wants to steal Strawberry Fields, but he never gets the chance.

Once the instruments are gone Heatland immediately becomes seedy and corrupt, which is just what the sinister and mysterious Future Villain Band wants.  Strawberry takes a bus and arrives in Hollywood to find the Lonely Hearts Club Band, and while she's miffed about the Billy and Lucy situation, she quickly moves past it, because they have instruments to recover.  That means visits to evil plastic surgeon Maxwell Edison (Steve Martin) and crossing guard turned cult leader Father Sun (Alice Cooper).  During the fight with Father Sun Billy is accidentally electrocuted, but after Strawberry sings her namesake song, Frampton comes alive.  

 While the band is adventuring they are not performing, so B. D., Dougie and Lucy arrange for a benefit concert to help clean up Heartland and hopefully restart the planned national tour.  The concert is good enough that while Earth, Wind and Fire are performing, Dougie and Lucy have the chance to steal all the money, and Mustard manages to recover the instruments and kidnap Strawberry while he's at it.  

The boys rush to rescue Strawberry and the instruments from the Future Villain Band.  Who could the mysterious mastermind be?  Turns out it's Aerosmith.  Unfortunately, Strawberry is the smart and competent one, so it doesn't go well.  The next scene is Strawberry's funeral, and Billy is about to jump off the roof, but then Magical Flying Billy Preston appears from Heartland's weather vane to fix everything.  Yes, it really is that abrupt.

 Summarizing the plot makes it sound more sensible and comprehensible than it actually is, but that's okay, because the plot is only there to help string the songs together.  There are a lot of songs, and the covers vary in quality; Earth, Wind and Fire's cover of "Got to Get You into My Life" is probably the high point, and Frankie Howerd's "When I'm Sixty-Four" might be the nadir.  (There is competition.)

 But even that doesn't convey how weird this movie is.  Despite the songs, this is basically a silent movie.  There is no dialogue, and the story is conveyed through the songs, intertitles, and some narration by George Burns.  The actors convey emotion through facial expressions, among other things, and they do a decent job.  It's a fascinating experiment, but why would you hire Donald Pleasence and not give him any lines?

 This is probably not a good movie, but it is definitely an experience, and there are days when we all need Magical Flying Billy Preston to help us.

 

 

Just hosting a picture. Don't mind me.

 

Screenshots I'm hosting for another internet project.

 

  

We could've been anything that we wanted to be.

Bugsy Malone (1976) doesn't sound like a real movie. The premise is ridiculous on its face; it's a G-rated gangster melodrama set in Prohibition-era New York, with a cast made up entirely of child actors. Oh, and it's a musical!  However, this is a movie that commits completely to the bit, and it has a couple of secret weapons hiding up  its sleeve.

The young cats present themselves as adults, and some of the boys are even sporting period appropriate mustaches, but everything is presented through a child-friendly lens; the vintage cars are pedal-powered, the liquor racket is replaced by the sarsaparilla racket, and most importantly, nobody gets shot, they get splurged.  Traditionally this takes the form of an old-fashioned pie to the face, but Dandy Dan (Martin Lev) has armed his gang with splurge guns, which are basically Tommy guns that use whipped cream instead of bullets.  However you're splurged, though, the effects are the same. You don't die, but you're washed up, out of the game, and out of the movie.

Dandy Dan's gang are the only ones with splurge guns,which means they're cutting a swathe through the businesses run by Dan's rival, Fat Sam (John Cassisi), who owns the speakeasy where much of the action takes place.  Sam controls a gang of mostly lovable incompetents, most notably Knuckles (Sheridan Earl Russell), who earned his name by constantly cracking his knuckles.  Sam is also dating the film's family friendly femme fatale, Tallulah (Jodie Foster), who is the speakeasy's star performer.

Tallulah is not the speakeasy's only performer, though, so singer and aspiring Hollywood actress Blousey Brown (Florrie Dugger) arrives to audition for a role in the chorus,only to be told that Sam is busy and she should "come back tomorrow."  At the speakeasy she also meets Bugsy Malone (Scott Baio), a struggling boxing promoter, and she finds him reasonably charming.  The pair strike up a low-key friendship.

Things are getting worse and worse for Sam. Dandy Dan is squeezing his business dry, and most of his men are lured into an ambush and splurged. Sam desperately tries to pretend that it's business as usual, and hires Looney, a hitman from out of town, to take down Dandy Dan.  He's going to need a driver, though, and Knuckles can't drive.

 Blousey is auditioning across town to replace diva Lena Morelli (Bonnie Langford), with Bugsy there to give moral support,but before she can sing a note Lena strolls in and takes her old job back.  Bugsy takes her back to Sam's place for another audition, and this time she gets her shot. She also spots Bugsy with Tallulah,and while there's really nothing going on there Tallulah still plants a chaste kiss on Bugsy's forehead.  (G-rating, remember?)  Blousey has had enough.

Bugsy needs to win Blousey back. He wants to take her to Hollywood, but to do that he'll need money. The good news is that Fat Sam is looking for a driver for a special job. And so begins Bugsy's G-rated spiral into a life of crime. The movie's only 93 minutes long, so there isn't much actual criming involved,and what little criming there is is directed at dandy Dan and his gang.

So, the movie is mostly a harmless ball of fluff with a bizarre premise. Why watch it today?  First, the songs, written and largely performed by Paul Williams, range from (in my highly scientific and impartial opinion) pretty good to great.

And then there's the acting. The assembled child actors are, for the most part, fine.  They're clearly having a good time, and that sense of fun counts for a lot, but they can't help but be overshadowed when they're standing next to Jodie Foster, who at this point had spent years honing her craft on TV and the Disney family film treadmill, as well as a few months of personal acting lessons with Robert De Niro on the set of Taxi Driver, which came out earlier in 1976.  Tallulah is a relatively small part, but it's a good part, and Foster's careful craft shines next to the talented amateurs around her. I've never seen an actor stand out from the rest of the cast that much before.