This is not a love story.

The late Irrfan Khan was one of India's most talented and respected actors, with a knack for playing soulful, deeply complex characters. The Song of Scorpions (2017) is not actually Khan's last film, but it feels like it; the 2017 release was at a film festival in Switzerland, but the movie only appeared in Indian theaters in April of 2023.  It's hard to watch the movie without being reminded of his death, and that's not really fair, because while Khan is genuinely great here, it's not really his movie.

This is the story of Nooran (Golshifteh Farahani), a young woman living in a remote corner of Rajahstan.  Nooran is studying with her grandmother Zubaida (Waheeda Rehman) to become a scorpion singer, able to cure a deadly scorpion sting using the sound of her voice and some herbs.  Nooran is something of an outsider in her village, but she loves her grandmother.  She's happy.

Nooran is beautiful and a gifted singer, and so she's attracted the attention of Aadam (Irrfan Khan), a traveling camel driver.  Aadam feels a pure and idealized love for Nooran, and she is aware, but she doesn't have space for a husband in her small and happy world.  Aadam's partner Munna (Shashank Arora) does not feel a pure and idealized love; he lusts after her, but then he lusts after nearly every woman hew meets, so he's content to spend his time with a character listed in the credits as "Lady of the Night" (Tillotama Shome).

And then everything changes.  A boy arrives to seek Nooran's help to save a man stung by a scorpion.  he leads her to a secluded and dark place, where an unknown man rapes her.  The women of the village find her and bring her home, but Zubaida is gone, vanished without a trace.  Nooran shuts herself in her house, but some of the men of the village keep prowling around outside, having decided that she's a fallen woman now and therefore fair game.  Some of the women decide that it would be better for everyone if Nooran left, so they ask her to go to the city, but she does not want to leave.

And then Aadam returns, and he's kind, solicitous, and still wants to marry Nooran.  he offers her a fresh start, and promises to find her grandmother, so Nooran finally agrees to the match.  It's not quite what either of them expected.  Aadam's family, and especially his young daughter Ayeesha (Sara Arjun) keep Nooran at arm's length, and she's simply not the person she was before, and not the person he was expecting.  She has literally lost her song, and describes the experience as having been poisoned.

Things start to get better; at the very least Nooran and Ayeesha start to bond, and Nooran even manages to sing for the girl.  Nooran starts to feel like she's finding herself again.  And then unexpected truths are revealed and everything goes to hell, with Nooran forming a revenge plan which is clever, unexpected, and slightly incoherent.  (The ending makes thematic sense, and I get why things happened the way they did, but I'm not entirely clear on how things happened the way they did.)

One of the marks of a great actor is knowing how and when to give focus rather than just take it, and Irrfan Khan was a great actor.  His Aadam is compelling; he's solemn, poetic, and captivated by the Nooran in his head, but this is definitely Nooran's movie.  Farahani is certainly captivating, mixing moments of humor and genuine joy with the revenge tragedy.  Whatever happens, Nooran is defiantly herself, and she shines all the brighter in the bleak storyline.

The plot is downright Shakespearean, but the cinematography is sumptuous.  I was reminded of the cosmic horror film Tumbbad; storyline, setting, and even genre are wildly different, but they are both movies that find a haunting beauty in a bleak setting.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Into the Wild Blue Yonder

Fighter (2024) doesn't look like a historical drama, but the movie centers around a highly fictionalized depiction of the  2019 Pulwana attack and the Indian Air Force's retaliatory strike in Balakot, Pakistan, wrapped around the story of a maverick fighter pilot learning to work as a part of a team as he rides into the danger zone.  If it sounds like Top Gun with more crying, that's because it's very much like Top Gun with more crying.

The hotshot maverick fighter pilot in question is Shamsher "Patty" Pathania (Hrithik Roshan), and as expected he's highly skilled, supremely confident, but secretly haunted by the death of his fiance, helicopter pilot Naina (Seerat Mast).  The rest of the Air Dragons are drawn just as broadly, including Patty's old rival Taj (Karan Singh Grover), married to Patty's old friend Saanchi (Sanjeeda Sheikh); Rockjy (Anil Kapoor), the crusty commander who is consistently right about everything but resents Patty for reasons that will become clear later; Minal "Minny" Rathore (Deepika Padukone), the fearless and feisty helicopter pilot who isn't impressed with Patty's swagger, and a few others, most notably Guy Who Is Obviously Going To Die.  (I'm not going to spoil which character it is, but the foreshadowing is pretty heavy.)

Rocky may be a curmudgeon, but he encourages the members of the squadron to get to know each other and form strong bonds, so they spend the opening scenes hanging out, telling jokes, and dropping hits about their respective backstories; they're stationed in chilly Kashmir so they play kabaddi in the snow rather than volleyball on the beach.  And Minny and Patty are clearly headed for a romantic relationship, though he can't bring himself to say anything

But the good times can't last forever.  Fictional freelance terrorist Azhar Akhtar (Rishabh Sawhney),working for the real world terrorist organization Jaish-e-Mohammed, organizes a suicide strike on a CRPF (Central Reserve Police Force) convoy.  (The film goes to great lengths to point out that Akhtar is not Pakistani, a tiny smidgen of nuance that will not last long.)  Casualties are high, and the Indian government decides to retaliate by flattening the Jaish training camp in Balakot, within Pakistan's borders.  The mission is a complete success, though there are some tense moments as Patty clashes with Pakistani air ace Red Nose (Behzaad Khan).  

Pakistan retaliates against the retaliation, and the Air Dragons fight back, but in the process Patty and Taj fly across the Line of Control into Pakistani airspace and Taj's plane is shot down in an ambush.  Taj is alive but a prisoner, and while the inquiry board clears Patty of any wrongdoing, Rocky still has him transferred to the Air Force Academy as a flight instructor.  Patty has to regain his confidence, return to Kashmir, rescue Taj, win back Minni, defeat Red Nose, reconcile with Rocky, and somehow manage to get into a fistfight with Akhtar, and he does.  Though not necessarily in that order.

So, did Fighter take my breath away?  No, and I'll tell you why.  To be clear, this is a very well made film; the cast is great, the action scenes are as dynamic and visually interesting as you can get with planes, Hrithik and Deepika both get a chance to show off their dance moves, and the dialogue is incredibly on-the-nose but delivered with conviction.  But everything is so predictable; the fate of Guy Who is Obviously Going to Die is an obvious example, but every single plot twist is blindingly obvious well in advance.  

And then there's the lack of nuance.  The Spy Universe movies tend to be very "Rah, Rah, India"," and Tiger is consistently referred to as an Indian agent while his wife Zoya is labelled a Pakistani spy, but the heroic rogue agents are consistently working for peace, risking life and limb to protect the peace process and the good people of Pakistan who are tired of the fighting.  In Fighter, negotiating with Pakistan is portrayed as a waste of time, and while fighting Akhtar Patty delivers a speech about Kashmir that ends up sounding like a supervillain rant.  This is a strongly nationalistic movie, and it's using a sensationalized version of real world events to present its vision.

Kashmir is a very complicated topic.  Fighter is not a complicated movie, but perhaps it should have been.

Baby, you can drive my car.

 Bollywood romances are famously complicated.  That's why the movies tend to be so long; you've got to make room for the stern parents, the bitter rival, the comic relief subplot, the unexpected fight scenes and the big, gorgeous musical numbers.  Challo Driver (2012), on the other hand, is not complicated.  It has a trim running time and is one of the most straightforward and on-the-nose love stories I have ever seen.

Tanya (Kainaz Motivala) needs a job.  She wants to make enough money to open up a travel agency, but she also wants a challenge, so when a friend dares her to apply for a job as a chauffeur, that is exactly what she does.

 Mr. Kapoor (Prem Chopra) needs a chauffeur for his grandson.  He's impressed by Tanya, and offers her enough money to start the business of her dreams, but only if she's willing to sign a contract promising to stay on the job for a full six months.  Kapoor has an ulterior motive; grandson Arjun (Vickrant Mahajan) is a driven and abrasive businessman with a habit of firing his drivers over the slightest mistake, and Kapoor made a bet with him that he couldn't go six months without firing another one.

At first Arjun and Tanya don't really get along; he's trying to get around the terms of the bet by getting her to quit, while she's not used to being treated as staff.  But after Tanya has a chance to turn the tables, with Arjun pretending to be her chauffeur and driving her abrasive uncle Pappu (Manoj Pahwa) and Aunt Sweety (Silky Khanna) around Delhi for a couple of days, Arjun learns to respect her and they start to bond over a mutual love of self help books.

And that's the plot.  At first they don't get along, and then they do, and by the end of the movie they're in love.  You might think that the bet would cause problems in their relationship, but Tanya finds out about it almost immediately and doesn't really care; what it really means is that she's unlikely to be fired.  the opening song is all about men and women working the jobs they want and being treated equally, but while some characters point out that a female chauffeur is unusual, it's fine.  

There is a last minute attempt to inject some conflict into the story with a little confusion over a gender neutral Sikh name, but it's a problem that can be cleared up with five minutes of conversation, and the characters have five minutes of conversation.

Challo Driver is fine for what it is.  Motivala and Mahajan have a simple, easy going chemistry and spending time with the characters is pleasant enough.  It's just too easy and over too quickly - it's like watching a masala movie and fast-forwarding through everything but the romantic scenes.  It's sweet, but it's not very filling.

It's a jolly holiday with Rani.

 Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic (2008) opens with a montage of tragedies befalling young Ranbeer Talwar (Yash Belani).  His only friend moves away, his mother dies, he's sent to a boarding school, and the only teacher who bothers to build a connection with the intensely lonely boy is transferred away.  It's an Ebenezer Scrooge origin story, and sure enough the adult Ranbeer (Saif Ali Khan) is driven, competitive, cynical, and more than a little misanthropic.  After winning a major business award, he takes the trophy and stalks off without a word.  On the drive home he looks at his phone for a moment and runs into another car, killing a young couple.  Ranbeer is horrified, and quietly waits for the police.

A year later, Ranbeer arrives at the courthouse for his sentencing, with his self-centered socialite girlfriend Malaika (Ameesha Patel) in tow.  The judge (Sharat Saxena) reminds the courtroom that the real victims of the case are the couple's four orphaned children, and sentences Ranbeer to parenthood; he has to give the children a home and take proper care of them, and if at the end of a month the children have any complaints against him then he'll be sent to prison for twenty years.  This seems needlessly cruel to both Ranbeer and the children, and it would be kinder just to send him straight to prison, but that is the premise of the movie.

And then the movie introduces the kids: responsible but angry older brother Vashisht, level-headed and tough sister Aditi (Shriya Sharma), adopted brother and Sikh Iqbal (Rachit Sidana), and adorable little sister Avantika (Ayushi Burman).  There's also a dog, because the kids are loosely modeled on Enid Blyton's Famous Five.  (Young Ranbeer's teacher gives him a copy of Five Go Off in a Caravan during the opening montage, which is kind of a tell.)  The kids are not okay; they are sad and angry and determined to stay together, driving all of their well-meaning adult relatives away with a series of pranks.  This is their chance to punish Ranbeer, and they intend to take it.

The first day goes really badly for everyone, and things don't improve.  Soon everyone is praying for help.  Fortunately, God is played by Rishi Kapoor in jocular and avuncular mode, and He sends help in the form of Geeta (Rani Mukherji), the naughtiest angel in heaven, who takes a job as the nanny for the family, because this is actually Bollywood Mary Poppins.

I say Mary Poppins, but it's really Bollywood Nanny McPhee, mixed with a bit of the police drama/family film One 2 Ka 4.  The children try to drive Geeta away with pranks, all of which backfire because she's secretly an angel. She wins them over by taking their side against Ranbeer, but she also encourages Ranbeer to think about things from the children's perspective.  

There are magical shenanigans, including a birthday trip to the museum which turns into an adventure through time and space (including a battle on the India-Pakistan border, because clearly these children have not been traumatized enough) and things start to get better.  One by one the children start to see Ranbeer as a flawed man who made a horrible mistake and is trying his best to make amends, rather than as a monster.  Malaika leaves after her sexy dance number during her birthday party is spoiled by tiny CGI sea animals, explaining to Ranbeer that she just can't handle the kids.  Ranbeer stands up for the kids during a business trip to Los Angeles, and they all realize that they have become a family.  This means that Geeta's work is done, and it's time to return to Heaven.

But you can't build a family from the outside.  The children have grown to love Geeta, and she's grown to love them as well.  And because this is Bollywood, Ranbeer has fallen for her; he makes his best pitch in the form of a song, and Geeta is overwhelmed and runs away.  The new family goes to look for her, and wind up in a church, asking God for one last miracle.

This is kind of a weird movie.  Tone is an issue, as the film switches from trauma to wacky pranks to magical hijinks to heartwarming family drama at the drop of a Handbag of Holding.  Malaika's dance number is surprisingly spicy for a children's movie, and I would say that the movie's metaphysics are lifted from The Good Place, except that the show came out eight years later.  (Still, Jeremy Bearimy.)  And it seems like the entire special effects budget is blown on Geeta's introductory song.

Despite all that, though, I can't help but love the movie, and that's largely due to the cast.  Saif Ali Khan dances neatly between comedy and drama, Rani is always delightful, and even the child actors are good, particularly Akshat Chopra as Vashisht, who manages to pack a lot of rage into a sunny children's fantasy. 

Death by Scotland

 Neeyat (2023) has all the elements of a classic Agatha Christie-style mystery: an isolated Scottish castle cut off from the outside by a terrible storm, a cast of colorful characters who all have their own motives for murder, and a script which is loosely adapted from Christie's book Hercule Poirot's Christmas.

Wealthy businessman Ashish Kapoor (Ram Kapoor), known to friends and family as "AK", has had a rough couple of years.  He's lost a large amount of money, his tech company has crumbled, and he hasn't paid any employees in over two years, a fact which has led to multiple suicides.  Still, AK is beyond Indian jurisdiction, he's rich, and he owns a small castle off the coast of Scotland, so he's throwing himself a birthday party with a special surprise guest.

The guest list includes Jimmy (Rahul Bose), the brother of AK's late wife, her drug addicted son Ryan (Shashank Arora), Ryan's new girlfriend Gigi (Prajakta Koly), AK's new girlfriend Lisa (Shahana Goswami), former Bollywood star Noor (Dipannita Sharma) and her disgraced plastic surgeon husband Sanjay (Neeraj Kabi), their son Ishaan (Madhav Deval), AK's orphaned niece Sasha (Ishika Mehra), and AK's psychic advisor Zara (Niki Aneja Walia)  and her little dog Rumi.  Do they all have motives for murder?  They do!

The staff may not have motives for murder.  AK's personal assistant Kay (Amrita Puri) is absolutely devoted to him, and event planner Tanveer (Danesh Razvi) is mostly just smug.  The rest of the castle's staff left early because they wanted to get home before Storm Irene hit and conveniently cut the castle off from the outside world.

And then there's that surprise guest.  CBI officer Mira Rao (Vidya Balan), who arrives just ahead of the storm.  AK introduces her to the other guests, explaining that he's decided to turn himself in, also handing his assets over to the Indian government. And then Gigi enters the room dressed as AK's late wife, just before the chandelier falls and a fight breaks out.  AK storms off into the . . . . well, the storm.  Mira follows, but is hit from behind by an unknown assailant.   When she comes to, AK is lying at the bottom of the cliff in a pool of blood, and there's no way to reach him.  Mira suspects foul play, but Zara insists that she saw him jump.

There is a mystery and while Mira is well out of her jurisdiction, she's the closest thing to an authority figure available, so she starts to investigate, with mixed success.  Mira is obviously brilliant and very observant, but she seems uncomfortable with other aspects of police work, and especially with using the gun she carries.  She persists, but the bodies just keep piling up.

Neeyat has a complicated plot, and literally everybody is hiding something, with the possible exception of Rumi.  Still, the mystery plays fair, secrets revealed make sense given what has gone before, and it is possible to figure out what is going on.  However, the tone is decidedly quirky; the mystery is played straight, but some of the characters are surprisingly genre aware, and there are wry comments.  Mira is not one of those characters.

The best reason to watch this movie is Vidya Balan; her Mira is an intriguing detective, more Monk than Poirot, but with an insecurity all her own, wrapped around an inner core of righteous anger.  It's enough to make me overlook the fact that the local police, when they finally arrive, introduce themselves as being from Scotland Yard.