Maximum drama.

Story time.  Chori Chori Chupke Chupke (2001) was supposed to premier in December of 2000, but the release was delayed for several months when financier Bharat Shah and producer Nazim Rizvi were arrested for funneling money from organized crime, and particularly the infamous crime lord Chotta Shakeel, into the Bollywood film industry.  The trial lasted for over a year, and a number of Bollywood luminaries such as Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan were scheduled to testify for the prosecution, but they all recanted their testimony after a barrage of threats.

All except one, that is.  Rising star Preity Zinta, then best known for her dimple and bubbly persona, testified about the extortion threats she received during filming, and stood by her testimony in the face of continued threats, even though she had to go into hiding for a few months afterwords.  The press dubbed Zinta "The Only Man in Bollywood"; she hates the nickname because it implies that courage is an exclusively masculine trait, but it is certainly punchy.

But while the real world drama is interesting, we're really here for the movie.

The Malhotra family is one of the happy, loving extended families that popped up all the time in films around the turn of the century.  Wealthy patriarch Kailashnath (Amrish Puri) has retired, leaving business matter sin the hands of his son Ranjit (Dalip Tahil), while daughter in law Asha (Farida Jalal) manages the household and Pappu (Johny Lever), orphaned son of Kailishnath's old partner, provides comic relief.  Kailashnath has one dream: he wants a great grandson, and he's expecting grandson Raj (Salman Khan) to get married and provide one right away.

Raj does not want to get married, at least until he goes to a friend's wedding and meets Priya (Rani Mukherji), who completely takes over the celebration as only a character played by Rani Mukherji can, complete with a banging musical number.  Raj is smitten, and after some humorous misunderstandings, Raj and Priya are married, Priya joins the happy and loving extended family, and she's soon carrying the Malhotra heir.

And then tragedy strikes.  There's an accident, and Priya suffers a miscarriage.  the family (and especially Kailashnath) all try to comfort her by telling her that she'll be pregnant again soon.  What they don't know, but Raja and Priya do, is that the accident has rendered her infertile.  The promised Malhotra heir is not coming, but the family keeps pressuring them anyway, and the family doctor (Prem Chopra) is convinced that Kailashnath will have a heart attack if he finds out the truth.

Raj sensibly suggests that they go overseas and adopt a child, but Priya knows that Kailashnath is hoping for a great grandson that looks like Raj; it has to be Raj's child.  She reads an article about surrogacy, but the family is so well known that any attempt at artificial insemination would be discovered.  Priya has a simple (and terrible) plan: find a woman who will join them in Switzerland for a year and make a baby with Raj the old fashioned way.

Raj is in charge of finding a volunteer, and he's terrible at it.  His luck changes on a business trip, when he accidentally picks up a sex worker who hears his story and suggests a local bar dancer named Madhubala (Preity Zinta).  Madhubala is brash and spunky, and when she first appears on screen she's wearing a pink cowboy hat which is helpfully labelled "Sexy."

And then the movie becomes Pretty Woman for a while.  Madhubala, now "Madhu," learns how to dress and talk in order to pass in high society, and she forms a cautious friendship with Raj, especially after he comes to her aid when a snooty store manager throws her out.  Raj remains a perfect gentleman, though; Priya hasn't approved of Madhu yet, and he's been reluctant to cheat on his wife all along, no matter how baby hungry everyone else is.

Priya does approve, and the trio set off for romantic Switzerland.  After some careful maneuvering by Priya Raj and Madhu manage to complete their mission, and the three settle into a happy domestic life together, but there's trouble ahead.  Raj and Priya continue to treat Madhu with respect and value her as a person, and Madhu is starting to lose her professional detachment.  Before the situation can develop into a full-blown Archie-style love triangle Raj's family show up unannounced, and after the expected sitcom shenanigans they start treating Madhu with respect and valuing her as a person as well.  Everyone is happy but there are multiple shoes waiting to drop, and it is all going to end in tears.

First things first.  The plot is silly.  Surrogacy is a good idea in the Malhotra's situation, but Priya insists on going about it in the most emotionally complicated way possible.  They don't discuss anything with the rest of the family, ostensibly because of Kailashnath's allegedly weak heart, but mostly in order to create maximum opportunities for melodrama.  

On the other hand, it's a great cast, and they commit to the bit.  Rani Mukherji is always great, and the relationship between Priya and Madhu is complicated but feels real and valuable.  

However, as good as the cast is, everything rides on Preity Zinta's shoulders.  It has to, because Madhubala is the only character with an actual emotional arc, and everyone's happy ending depends on her choices.  I am happy to report that Preity Zinta rises to the challenge; she's the hero of the movie in more ways than one.

Devil and the details.

 Devil: The British Secret Agent (2023) is a period action drama that revolves around the struggle for Indian independence and features hugely improbable fight scenes, so comparisons with RRR are pretty much inevitable.  That's not entirely fair, since Devil features an extended Agatha Christie homage rather than RRR's celebration of masculine friendship, but there are definite similarities.  Still, Devil manages to be more violent, more nationalistic, and even less historically accurate than the previous film.

The year is 1945, and the British secret service is focused almost entirely on apprehending Indian revolutionary Subhas Chandra Bose and his Azad Hind Fauj (or INA), because it's not like the British had anything else going on to keep them occupied in 1945.  Bose is expected to return to India at any moment, and the British want to catch him, but they are continually thwarted by the mysterious Trivarna, Bose's right hand man and head of security.  The British effort is being led by Bracken (Mark Bennington), a mustache twirling villain who always finds time to be gratuitously cruel even when he's on the job.

Meanwhile, Vijaya (Ammu Abhirami), daughter of a zamindar (Nithin Mehta), has been brutally murdered.  The local police chief (Srikanth Iyengar) makes a few wild accusations as he meets the various potential suspects, but winds up arresting the zamindar himself.  That's not good enough for Bracken, though, and he dispatches his top agent to take charge of the investigation.

Enter Devil (Nandamuri Kalyan Ram), the titular British secret agent.  Devil is introduced during an unrelated action scene, single-handedly taking out an entire pirate crew, though only after they've killed nearly everyone else on the ship.  Once he's on dry land Devil and his assistant/comic relief Sastry (Satya) take charge and prove the zamindar's innocence almost immediately.  Devil has questions for neighbor Patwari (Ajay) and femme fatale Rosy (Elnaaz Norouzi), but he's also drawn to Nyshadha (Samyuktha), the zamindar's niece and a devoted patriot who can't imagine why Devil would work for the British.

Devil's there for a reason, though, because it's all the same case.  Nyshadha is the telegraph operator for the INA, and she received an important coded message for Trivarna which was stolen on the night of the murder.  Nyshadha doesn't know who Trivarna is, but the trail leads to Indian National Congress member Manimekala (Malvika Nair), who preaches nonviolent resistance by day and practices armed revolution by night.

Devil discovers a copy of the stolen codes, and the secret service decode half of it.  Bracken decides that Nyshadha is no longer useful, so he arranges for her to be kidnapped and hopefully murdered by bandits, because he is transparently evil.  Devil has other ideas, rescuing her in dramatic fashion and winning her heart in the process.  He tells his superiors that they still need Nyahadha, because Bose won't land until he gets the all clear signal, and only Nyahadha knows how to get the message to Trivarna.

Devil's shifting loyalties are further complicated by the discovery that there's a mole in the secret service and a mole in the INA, and they may or may not be the same mole.  (They're not.)  It's a tricky situation, but fortunately Devil is clever, charming, and unbelievably skilled at violence.

Taken on its own terms, Devil is a fine action movie.  the plot is complicated but hangs together well enough to drive the action, and there's a lot of action.  It's all gleefully improbable; when discussing just how many men to send after Devil one character flatly states that numbers don't matter, and Devil proves them right during the climax by taking down an entire company of two hundred soldiers equipped with guns and cannons.  

The mystery plotline isn't as successful; it's the focus of the first half of the movie but is quickly overwhelmed by the action/spy plotline, and the solution to the mystery is almost an afterthought.  But the mystery is really only there to introduce Nyshadha and to give Devil a chance to show that he's smart.  It's certainly atmospheric, and I will happily forgive the anachronistic flappers in the big musical number.

On the other hand, this isn't just an action movie it's a Subhas Chandra Bose hagiography.  Bose never actually appears in the movie, but characters talk about him all the time, treating him a s a sort of Indian nationalist King Arthur, always on the verge of a glorious return which in the real world never actually happened.  Everyone calls Bose Netaji, even the nefarious British, and there's only a fleeting mention of the Axis powers he's collaborating with; Bose is the true threat to Britain's control of India.  This is mythology, not history.

No promises, no demands.

 Many Bollywood movies, even and perhaps especially the romantic comedies, are driven by moral calculus.  The protagonists are torn between personal fulfillment, family duty, and the expectations of society, and they need to strike the right balance, and make the correct choice, even if it means sacrificing everything.  Make the right choice, sacrifice the right things,and your virtue will be rewarded.  You may not get everything back, but at least you'll get to see your elders make the "Wow, such values" face as they marvel at your inherent virtue.  Laaga Chunari Mein Daag: Journey of a Woman (2007) offers a course in Advanced Moral Calculus.  

The Sahay family live in a crumbling mansion in Varanasi, by the sacred waters of the Ganges.  They are Jane Austen poor; father Shivshankar (Anupam Kher) sells old books form the library and buys lottery tickets hoping that that will restore the family fortunes, mother Savitri (Jaya Bachchan) sews clothes and is paid in installments, older sister Vibha (Rani Mukherji) quit school to help her mother, younger sister Shubhi (Konkona Sen Sharma) is still in school and is the hope of the family, and evil uncle Rajjo (Tinnu Anand) is scheming to seize the mansion through legal trickery.

Still, the sisters are very close and seize whatever joy they can, performing a merry song about how they are young and carefree and nothing will ever change them.  Things are looking up when a film company offers to rent part of the house for a shoot; the money from the advance means that Vibha can pay the power bill, and the sisters befriend production assistant Sophia (Tarana Raja) and get to meet a famous classical dancer (Hema Malini) who is captivated by Vibha's purity and beauty.  

But it can't last.  There's a riot in the city, so the shoot is cancelled and Savitri has to return the advance; the director notices that the stack of money is a bit lighter, but doesn't do more than comment, which makes the whole thing even more humiliating.  Shivshakar suffers a heart attack, and the family needs money now, especially as Rajjo is about to take everything.

Vibha announces that she's leaving for Mumbai; she says she has a job lined up already (she doesn't) and that Sophia has agreed to let her live with her (also not true.)  Sophia is not happy to see her, but agrees to let her stay on a strictly temporary basis, and even lines up a job interview for her.  It's a disaster.  Every job Vibha manages to land is a disaster, because she dropped out of school doesn't speak English, and has no marketable skills besides sewing and knitting.  All the while Savitri keeps calling, asking when Vibha will be able to send some money.

Karan (Ninad Karnat), the neighbor downstairs, has a good job at a call center but he refuses to try and get Vibha a job there, claiming that he doesn't want to inflict his horrible boss on her.  But Shivshankar has had another heart attack, the house is collapsing around the family, and Savitri keeps asking when Vibha will be able to send money, so she takes a risk and goes to the call center.  Karan's boss, K. K. Gupta (Harsh Chayya) doesn't seem horrible at first, and he invites Vibha in, explaining that while she's not technically qualified for the job, but there are always exceptions.  Vibha still doesn't get it, so he explains that he will give her the job if she sleeps with him.  She storms off.

Vibha returns to the flat, but Sophia announces that she's kicking her out. She calls her mother to say that she's coming home and tries to explain what happened, but Savitri isn't really listening and demands that she grow up and make the job happen, only realizing what her daughter said after the phone call.  Vibha goes to Gupta, but afterwards he laughs and says there's no job, she's just not qualified, but he throws money at her and promises that if she keeps him happy he'll give her more.

Vibha is completely devastated , and Karan blames himself.  He takes her to stay with his friend Michele (Suchira Pillai), who has a modest proposal: Mumbai is full of men like Gupta, but Vibha can get what she wants form them if she deals with them on her own terms.  She agrees, and with Michele's help she learns English, obtains a stylish modern wardrobe, and reinvents herself as a high-class escort named Natasha.  She is hugely successful, and suddenly she has the money to deal with all of the family's problems.  Savitri has figured out where the money is coming from, but Vibha is the only thing standing between them and utter ruin, so she says nothing.

And then the tone shifts again, because while the plot may scream "art movie," this is a commercial masala picture.  A regular client (Murli Sharma) hires Natasha to join him at a conference in Switzerland.  On the plane she meets a handsome stranger named Rohan Verma (Abhisek Bachchan), and sparks fly.  It turns out that Rohan is presenting at the same conference, and when she has a day off they explore Bern together, but she can't live in a dream so she vanishes without a word and returns to Mumbai, just in time for the next plot twist.

Shubhi has graduated, thanks to Vibha's financial help.  Better yet, she's landed a job at an advertising firm in Mumbai, has bonded with her handsome but slovenly supervisor, Vivaan Verma (Kunal Kapoor), and has stumbled into a new career as a model for a brand of detergent, the kind of instant stardom that happens all the time in Bollywood and utterly failed to happen for Vibha.  Living a double life is a lot harder when your sister is in town, but Vibha does her best, and she's there when Vivaan proposes.  

Vibha calls home to give the family the happy news, and Savitri begs her not to return home; people are already suspicious about where the money is coming from.  Naturally, staying in Mumbvai kicks off a chain of events leading to Shubhi discovering the truth.  And then there's the revelation that Vivaan has an older brother . . .

Again, this is a masala movie, not an art house film, so while Natasha's life as an escort isn't glamorized, it also isn't really shown except in the most sanitized and anodyne way possible.  This movie lacks the gritty realism of the video for "Love is a Battlefield," but it's not interested in the details, it's interested in the moral calculus, with Vibha sacrificing her happiness and personal honor for the sake of her family, leading to the inevitable moment when her parents realize the full extent of what she's done.

And yet.  Sex workers are not uncommon in Bollywood movies of the era, but they're usually there to further the plotline of the leads, and they tend to die tragically, occasionally managing a life of solitary chastity as their reward, like Preity Zinta's character in Chori Chori Chupke Chupke.  (Also starring Rani Mukherji.)  This is Vibha's story; she's presented as a person in her own right, with agency and value, and she's quick to point out that the women on the street are also people with agency and value.  Vibha gets her happy ending, marrying the mans he loves and basking in her parents' "Wow, such values" face.  She's earned it.

This sort of thing happens all the time in Switzerland.

 Before watching the movie, I knew exactly three things about Hadh Kar Di Aapne (2000).  First, the movie was released in 2000, putting it squarely in the middle of my favorite Bollywood era.  Second, it was not written or directed by David Dhawan.  And third, it stars a number of my favorite actors, and also Govinda.  What could possibly go wrong?

Sanjay (Nirmal Pandey) and Anjali Khanna (Ritu and Shivpuri) want a divorce, and for some reason they've each hired a lawyer from the same family, a father and son both played by Johny Lever.  This is mostly an excuse for Johny Lever to argue with himself, crack jokes, and mug for the camera, and it sets a tone that the rest of the movie will follow.

 Sanjay and Anjali each accuse the other of infidelity, and when the judge manages to get a word in edgewise he gives them a month to produce some evidence.  Anjali comes up with a brilliant plan - she'll pretend to leave for a trip to Europe, thus lulling her husband into a false sense of security.  When he inevitably starts with the extramarital canoodling, her lawyer will take pictures, and she'll have all the evidence she needs.  And just to make the ruse even more convincing, she'll send her college friend, also named Anjali Khanna (Rani Mukherji) on the trip in her place, so if anyone thinks to check there will definitely be an Anjali on the tour.

The second Anjali is young and carefree, and has no interest in getting married, so she busies herself in frightening prospective suitors away with outrageous lies.  Unfortunately, her latest suitor is a policeman who sees right through her stories, and if anything he's even more interested.  Anjali agrees to go on the trip for a chance to get away from her otherwise lovely father (Tinnu Anand) pressuring her.

When he finds out about the trip, Sanjay assumes that Anjali is going to Europe to meet a boyfriend, so he comes up with his own cunning plan.  He'll hire someone like James Bond to follow her on the trip and when Anjali inevitably starts with the extramarital canoodling, his secret agent will take pictures, and he'll have all the evidence he needs.  And fortunately, Sanjay knows just the man, his old college friend Raj Malhotra (Govinda), now a private detective.

Cut to Raj proving how much like James Bond he is by singing a song about how he's desperately lonely and just wants some woman somewhere to love him.  Sanjay visits Raj's home; Raj isn't there, but his family is.  They're all broad stereotypes played by Govinda, because if Johny Lever can play two characters in this movie, Govinda gets to play six.  Raj takes the case, and it's off to the airport.

At the airport, Raj and Anjali 2 literally bump into each other, and he quickly demonstrates why he's so lonely by coming on far too strong and touching her without her permission.  He keeps doing this while on the plane, donning an array of wacky disguises, and on the tour bus, and basically everywhere they go.  And at this point I had to double check to make sure the movie really wasn't directed by David Dhawan.

Europe turns out to be the same town in Switzerland filmed from different angles.  (I've seen a lot of late nineties and early noughties Bollywood, and I know the town of Gstaad when I see it.)  Raj thinks he's found his target, and follows Mona (Helen Brodie) as she meets with her various boyfriends and gives them presents during the tour.  He's wrong; Mona is actually smuggling drugs, but Raj still makes regular calls to Sanjay to update him on Mona's scandalous activities, at least when he's not too busy harassing Anjali.

Anjali is disgusted by Raj, but romance is inevitable, and the other tourists seem to think that they will make a delightful couple.  They try to help by conspiring top leave the couple alone in Gstaad on Valentine's Day and giving the hapless young man pep talks and advice, and he does get the chance to save Anjali from a fate worse than death (because this is a Govinda movie and that always happens) but she finally falls for him because it's necessary for the plot.

Then it is time for misunderstandings.  Raj realizes that Mona isn't Anjali, Anjali is Anjali.  (Not the Anjali he's looking for, because if he realized that the movie would be over.)  Anjali 1 discovers that Sanjay booked the same European tour for someone named Raj Malhotra, so she calls Anjali 2 and tells her that Raj is Sanjay in disguise.  Since the pair are already in love at this point, they're both heartbroken but determined to trap the other, though they're also both too moral to fall into the traps, so they return home and go their separate ways.  

I have checked, repeatedly, and David Dhawan did not make this movie.  But it's still incredibly David Dhawany, displaying such Dhawan trademarks as incredibly broad humor, an insufferable protagonist, sexual harassment turning to romance, and a variety of broad stereotypes in place of characters.

There are some bright spots.  Rani is always charming, even in a movie like this one.  Govinda does plenty of dancing, and he's a fantastic dancer.  The supporting cast gets to be funny at times, particularly fellow tourists Paresh Rawal, Himani Shivpuri and Satish Kaushik.  And it's always nice when Tinnu Anand gets to play a nice person rather than the sleazy villains he's usually typecast as.  

In the end, though, this is an aggressively stupid movie with a plot that makes anti-sense, and it's never quite as funny as it thinks it is.

This is not a love story.

The late Irrfan Khan was one of India's most talented and respected actors, with a knack for playing soulful, deeply complex characters. The Song of Scorpions (2017) is not actually Khan's last film, but it feels like it; the 2017 release was at a film festival in Switzerland, but the movie only appeared in Indian theaters in April of 2023.  It's hard to watch the movie without being reminded of his death, and that's not really fair, because while Khan is genuinely great here, it's not really his movie.

This is the story of Nooran (Golshifteh Farahani), a young woman living in a remote corner of Rajahstan.  Nooran is studying with her grandmother Zubaida (Waheeda Rehman) to become a scorpion singer, able to cure a deadly scorpion sting using the sound of her voice and some herbs.  Nooran is something of an outsider in her village, but she loves her grandmother.  She's happy.

Nooran is beautiful and a gifted singer, and so she's attracted the attention of Aadam (Irrfan Khan), a traveling camel driver.  Aadam feels a pure and idealized love for Nooran, and she is aware, but she doesn't have space for a husband in her small and happy world.  Aadam's partner Munna (Shashank Arora) does not feel a pure and idealized love; he lusts after her, but then he lusts after nearly every woman hew meets, so he's content to spend his time with a character listed in the credits as "Lady of the Night" (Tillotama Shome).

And then everything changes.  A boy arrives to seek Nooran's help to save a man stung by a scorpion.  he leads her to a secluded and dark place, where an unknown man rapes her.  The women of the village find her and bring her home, but Zubaida is gone, vanished without a trace.  Nooran shuts herself in her house, but some of the men of the village keep prowling around outside, having decided that she's a fallen woman now and therefore fair game.  Some of the women decide that it would be better for everyone if Nooran left, so they ask her to go to the city, but she does not want to leave.

And then Aadam returns, and he's kind, solicitous, and still wants to marry Nooran.  he offers her a fresh start, and promises to find her grandmother, so Nooran finally agrees to the match.  It's not quite what either of them expected.  Aadam's family, and especially his young daughter Ayeesha (Sara Arjun) keep Nooran at arm's length, and she's simply not the person she was before, and not the person he was expecting.  She has literally lost her song, and describes the experience as having been poisoned.

Things start to get better; at the very least Nooran and Ayeesha start to bond, and Nooran even manages to sing for the girl.  Nooran starts to feel like she's finding herself again.  And then unexpected truths are revealed and everything goes to hell, with Nooran forming a revenge plan which is clever, unexpected, and slightly incoherent.  (The ending makes thematic sense, and I get why things happened the way they did, but I'm not entirely clear on how things happened the way they did.)

One of the marks of a great actor is knowing how and when to give focus rather than just take it, and Irrfan Khan was a great actor.  His Aadam is compelling; he's solemn, poetic, and captivated by the Nooran in his head, but this is definitely Nooran's movie.  Farahani is certainly captivating, mixing moments of humor and genuine joy with the revenge tragedy.  Whatever happens, Nooran is defiantly herself, and she shines all the brighter in the bleak storyline.

The plot is downright Shakespearean, but the cinematography is sumptuous.  I was reminded of the cosmic horror film Tumbbad; storyline, setting, and even genre are wildly different, but they are both movies that find a haunting beauty in a bleak setting.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Into the Wild Blue Yonder

Fighter (2024) doesn't look like a historical drama, but the movie centers around a highly fictionalized depiction of the  2019 Pulwana attack and the Indian Air Force's retaliatory strike in Balakot, Pakistan, wrapped around the story of a maverick fighter pilot learning to work as a part of a team as he rides into the danger zone.  If it sounds like Top Gun with more crying, that's because it's very much like Top Gun with more crying.

The hotshot maverick fighter pilot in question is Shamsher "Patty" Pathania (Hrithik Roshan), and as expected he's highly skilled, supremely confident, but secretly haunted by the death of his fiance, helicopter pilot Naina (Seerat Mast).  The rest of the Air Dragons are drawn just as broadly, including Patty's old rival Taj (Karan Singh Grover), married to Patty's old friend Saanchi (Sanjeeda Sheikh); Rockjy (Anil Kapoor), the crusty commander who is consistently right about everything but resents Patty for reasons that will become clear later; Minal "Minny" Rathore (Deepika Padukone), the fearless and feisty helicopter pilot who isn't impressed with Patty's swagger, and a few others, most notably Guy Who Is Obviously Going To Die.  (I'm not going to spoil which character it is, but the foreshadowing is pretty heavy.)

Rocky may be a curmudgeon, but he encourages the members of the squadron to get to know each other and form strong bonds, so they spend the opening scenes hanging out, telling jokes, and dropping hits about their respective backstories; they're stationed in chilly Kashmir so they play kabaddi in the snow rather than volleyball on the beach.  And Minny and Patty are clearly headed for a romantic relationship, though he can't bring himself to say anything

But the good times can't last forever.  Fictional freelance terrorist Azhar Akhtar (Rishabh Sawhney),working for the real world terrorist organization Jaish-e-Mohammed, organizes a suicide strike on a CRPF (Central Reserve Police Force) convoy.  (The film goes to great lengths to point out that Akhtar is not Pakistani, a tiny smidgen of nuance that will not last long.)  Casualties are high, and the Indian government decides to retaliate by flattening the Jaish training camp in Balakot, within Pakistan's borders.  The mission is a complete success, though there are some tense moments as Patty clashes with Pakistani air ace Red Nose (Behzaad Khan).  

Pakistan retaliates against the retaliation, and the Air Dragons fight back, but in the process Patty and Taj fly across the Line of Control into Pakistani airspace and Taj's plane is shot down in an ambush.  Taj is alive but a prisoner, and while the inquiry board clears Patty of any wrongdoing, Rocky still has him transferred to the Air Force Academy as a flight instructor.  Patty has to regain his confidence, return to Kashmir, rescue Taj, win back Minni, defeat Red Nose, reconcile with Rocky, and somehow manage to get into a fistfight with Akhtar, and he does.  Though not necessarily in that order.

So, did Fighter take my breath away?  No, and I'll tell you why.  To be clear, this is a very well made film; the cast is great, the action scenes are as dynamic and visually interesting as you can get with planes, Hrithik and Deepika both get a chance to show off their dance moves, and the dialogue is incredibly on-the-nose but delivered with conviction.  But everything is so predictable; the fate of Guy Who is Obviously Going to Die is an obvious example, but every single plot twist is blindingly obvious well in advance.  

And then there's the lack of nuance.  The Spy Universe movies tend to be very "Rah, Rah, India"," and Tiger is consistently referred to as an Indian agent while his wife Zoya is labelled a Pakistani spy, but the heroic rogue agents are consistently working for peace, risking life and limb to protect the peace process and the good people of Pakistan who are tired of the fighting.  In Fighter, negotiating with Pakistan is portrayed as a waste of time, and while fighting Akhtar Patty delivers a speech about Kashmir that ends up sounding like a supervillain rant.  This is a strongly nationalistic movie, and it's using a sensationalized version of real world events to present its vision.

Kashmir is a very complicated topic.  Fighter is not a complicated movie, but perhaps it should have been.

Baby, you can drive my car.

 Bollywood romances are famously complicated.  That's why the movies tend to be so long; you've got to make room for the stern parents, the bitter rival, the comic relief subplot, the unexpected fight scenes and the big, gorgeous musical numbers.  Challo Driver (2012), on the other hand, is not complicated.  It has a trim running time and is one of the most straightforward and on-the-nose love stories I have ever seen.

Tanya (Kainaz Motivala) needs a job.  She wants to make enough money to open up a travel agency, but she also wants a challenge, so when a friend dares her to apply for a job as a chauffeur, that is exactly what she does.

 Mr. Kapoor (Prem Chopra) needs a chauffeur for his grandson.  He's impressed by Tanya, and offers her enough money to start the business of her dreams, but only if she's willing to sign a contract promising to stay on the job for a full six months.  Kapoor has an ulterior motive; grandson Arjun (Vickrant Mahajan) is a driven and abrasive businessman with a habit of firing his drivers over the slightest mistake, and Kapoor made a bet with him that he couldn't go six months without firing another one.

At first Arjun and Tanya don't really get along; he's trying to get around the terms of the bet by getting her to quit, while she's not used to being treated as staff.  But after Tanya has a chance to turn the tables, with Arjun pretending to be her chauffeur and driving her abrasive uncle Pappu (Manoj Pahwa) and Aunt Sweety (Silky Khanna) around Delhi for a couple of days, Arjun learns to respect her and they start to bond over a mutual love of self help books.

And that's the plot.  At first they don't get along, and then they do, and by the end of the movie they're in love.  You might think that the bet would cause problems in their relationship, but Tanya finds out about it almost immediately and doesn't really care; what it really means is that she's unlikely to be fired.  the opening song is all about men and women working the jobs they want and being treated equally, but while some characters point out that a female chauffeur is unusual, it's fine.  

There is a last minute attempt to inject some conflict into the story with a little confusion over a gender neutral Sikh name, but it's a problem that can be cleared up with five minutes of conversation, and the characters have five minutes of conversation.

Challo Driver is fine for what it is.  Motivala and Mahajan have a simple, easy going chemistry and spending time with the characters is pleasant enough.  It's just too easy and over too quickly - it's like watching a masala movie and fast-forwarding through everything but the romantic scenes.  It's sweet, but it's not very filling.