Saturday, July 4, 2026

Stupid Vows, the Motion Picture

 


 Legendary Bollywood director Yash Chopra directed twenty three films, including such classics as Chandni, Darr, and Veer ZaaraJab Tak Hai Jaan (2012) was his last film, and it's very Yash Chopra, a grand sweeping tale of love with huge emotions, great performances, and a plot that doesn't quite make sense if you think about it for too long.

Major Samar Anand (Shah Rukh Khan) is "The Man Who Cannot Die," the superstar of the Indian Army's bomb disposal unit.  he doesn't act like a rock star, though - he's surly and gruff, but very considerate of his subordinates.  He also refuses to wear any sort of bomb disposal suit, or any safety gear at all, almost as if he's actively daring God to kill him.  Samar obviously has a backstory,m and after he rescues plucky aspiring filmmaker Akira Rai (Anushka Sharma) from drowning in a lake, he accidentally leaves his diary behind.  Akira opens it, and discovers an extended flashback.

The movie jumps back ten years.  Samar is a street musician in London, but he works a variety of odd jobs in order to support himself and his Pakistani roommate Zain (Sharid Hashmi).   Samar is young and carefree and nothing is ever going to change him, at least until he spots Meera Thappar (Katrina Kaif).  Meera is young, but she's anything but carefree; her wealthy father (Anupam Kher) owns a chain of grocery stores, and she's a key part of his business, a respectable businesswoman who sometimes sneaks off to a nearby church to pray to Jesus.  (I say pray, but it's more like a negotiation - she asks Jesus for a boon, and when the boon is granted she makes a sacrifice, such as giving up smoking or wearing furs.  This will be important later.)  

By the time Samar and Meera properly meet, she's engaged to childhood friend Roger (Jay Conroy), and she is very careful to explain to the handsome musician that she's just met that she is very happy about that.  Really.  

 Meera wants to learn a Punjabi song that she can sing for her father at his birthday party, and she offers Samar money to teach her.  He has a different idea, and asks Meera to help him with his English.  naturally this leads to them falling in love, especially after Samar helps Meera to reconcile with her estranged mother (Neetu Kapoor) and stepfather (Rishi Kapoor).  They plan to make the relationship official, but before Meera can bring up the subject with her father, Samar is hit by a car and seriously injured.  Meera immediately strikes another bargain with Jesus: if He will spare Samar's life, she will give up Samar, the person she loves the most.  

Presumably Jesus accepts the bargain, because Samar makes a full recovery.  But when Meera tells him about her vow, he does not take it well.  He issues his own challenge to God - he will keep risking his life until God either gives up and lets him die, or gives up and lets him have Meera.  And ten years later he's disarming bombs for the Indian army.  

Akira is young and carefree and convinced that nothing will ever change her, so she obtains permission to make a documentary about the Indian Army's bomb disposal unit, and Samar specifically.  Things start off tense, but they soon develop an odd friendship.  While Akira has fallen for Samar, his heart still belongs to Meera.  After two weeks Akira is ready to wrap up the documentary, and it's good enough to get her a job offer from the Discovery Channel, but only if Samar will come to London and confirm his story.  Samar agrees to come, for one day only, just for Akira's sake, and then he's hit by another car.

In the hospital Samar asks for Meera and doesn't recognize Akira at all.  He has amnesia!  A very specific form of amnesia, which causes him to lose all memory of everything after his first car accident.  The only medical solution is for Meera to come to the hospital and help ease him into recovery. And to be fair that's all the doctors ask of her; nobody was expecting her to tell Samar that they're married, requiring an elaborate web of lies.  For a while Samar is happy and Meera is both happy and wracked with guilt, but it's all going to come crashing down sooner or later and Meera and Akira are competing to see who gets to make the big romantic self-sacrifice first.

The movie feels like the filmmakers knew they wanted the amnesia plotline, and then worked backwards to make that happen.  The details never quite line up properly, so the movie throws big emotions at you and hopes that you don't notice.  And to be fair, the big emotions are handled well; all three leads are complicated people, and Kaif, Sharma and Khan all put in great performances.

Normally I would be complaining that this is a problem that could be solved with five minutes of honest conversation, but they have the five minutes of conversation and it doesn't help.   Meera is unusually layered for a romantic heroine, and while she's wrong to give up her love because of a hasty vow, she is the kind of person who would do that,  while Samar is prickly and bitter enough that he has to change as well for the relationship to work.  As always, don't try this at home, and don't think too hard about the plot, but the big sweeping romance will sweep you along if you want it to.