Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978) is a movie with a certain reputation, and it's not a good reputation.  It was not a commercial success, and it was savaged by critics and angry Beatles fans upon release.  On the other hand, I've been on a steady diet of Bollywood for the past few decades, so I am no stranger to confusing plots, endless musical numbers, and respected actors who are chewing the scenery and being well paid for it. 

Heartland, USA is an idyllic, if fictional small town that is most famous for being home to the legendary Sergeant Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band, who managed to win the First World War for the allies by being so gosh-darned inspiring.  (I think - the movie isn't really clear on this point.)  After the war the band spent a few decades going in and out of style, but eventually time catches up with us all, and when the Segeant died, he left his magical instruments in the care of the town's mayor, Mr. Kite (George Burns).  The instruments were kept in the town's wax museum, and as long as they remain in Heartland, the people of the world would know happiness and peace.

After twenty years a new Lonely Hearts Club Band forms, led by Pepper's grandson Billy Shears (Peter Frampton) and featuring the Henderson brothers, Mark (Barry Gibb), Bob (Maurice Gibb), and Dave (Robin Gibb).  Billy's brother Dougie (Paul Nicholas) is the manager, while Billy's sweetheart Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina) is there to provide wholesome small-town charm.  They're a big hit in Heartland, and powerful music mogul B. D. Hoffler (Donald Pleasence) thinks they can be a big hit everywhere.  He invites the band to come out to Hollywood and sign with his label.

This is a rock musical about the music industry made in the Seventies, so when the boys reach Hollywood they are immediately seduced by glitz, glamor, while Billy is literally seduced by Lucy (Dianne Steinberg), the lead singer of girl group Lucy and the Diamonds.  Meanwhile, in Heartland, real estate mogul Mean Mr. Mustard (Frankie Howerd) and his assistant (Carel Struycken, Star Trek's Mr. Homn) arrive in town in a high tech van with a supercomputer and two lady robots (Anna Rodzianko and Rose Aragon).  Their mission is to steal the instruments, and they do, easily, because they're just on display in the museum.  Mustard also wants to steal Strawberry Fields, but he never gets the chance.

Once the instruments are gone Heatland immediately becomes seedy and corrupt, which is just what the sinister and mysterious Future Villain Band wants.  Strawberry takes a bus and arrives in Hollywood to find the Lonely Hearts Club Band, and while she's miffed about the Billy and Lucy situation, she quickly moves past it, because they have instruments to recover.  That means visits to evil plastic surgeon Maxwell Edison (Steve Martin) and crossing guard turned cult leader Father Sun (Alice Cooper).  During the fight with Father Sun Billy is accidentally electrocuted, but after Strawberry sings her namesake song, Frampton comes alive.  

 While the band is adventuring they are not performing, so B. D., Dougie and Lucy arrange for a benefit concert to help clean up Heartland and hopefully restart the planned national tour.  The concert is good enough that while Earth, Wind and Fire are performing, Dougie and Lucy have the chance to steal all the money, and Mustard manages to recover the instruments and kidnap Strawberry while he's at it.  

The boys rush to rescue Strawberry and the instruments from the Future Villain Band.  Who could the mysterious mastermind be?  Turns out it's Aerosmith.  Unfortunately, Strawberry is the smart and competent one, so it doesn't go well.  The next scene is Strawberry's funeral, and Billy is about to jump off the roof, but then Magical Flying Billy Preston appears from Heartland's weather vane to fix everything.  Yes, it really is that abrupt.

 Summarizing the plot makes it sound more sensible and comprehensible than it actually is, but that's okay, because the plot is only there to help string the songs together.  There are a lot of songs, and the covers vary in quality; Earth, Wind and Fire's cover of "Got to Get You into My Life" is probably the high point, and Frankie Howerd's "When I'm Sixty-Four" might be the nadir.  (There is competition.)

 But even that doesn't convey how weird this movie is.  Despite the songs, this is basically a silent movie.  There is no dialogue, and the story is conveyed through the songs, intertitles, and some narration by George Burns.  The actors convey emotion through facial expressions, among other things, and they do a decent job.  It's a fascinating experiment, but why would you hire Donald Pleasence and not give him any lines?

 This is probably not a good movie, but it is definitely an experience, and there are days when we all need Magical Flying Billy Preston to help us.