Maximum drama.

Story time.  Chori Chori Chupke Chupke (2001) was supposed to premier in December of 2000, but the release was delayed for several months when financier Bharat Shah and producer Nazim Rizvi were arrested for funneling money from organized crime, and particularly the infamous crime lord Chotta Shakeel, into the Bollywood film industry.  The trial lasted for over a year, and a number of Bollywood luminaries such as Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan were scheduled to testify for the prosecution, but they all recanted their testimony after a barrage of threats.

All except one, that is.  Rising star Preity Zinta, then best known for her dimple and bubbly persona, testified about the extortion threats she received during filming, and stood by her testimony in the face of continued threats, even though she had to go into hiding for a few months afterwords.  The press dubbed Zinta "The Only Man in Bollywood"; she hates the nickname because it implies that courage is an exclusively masculine trait, but it is certainly punchy.

But while the real world drama is interesting, we're really here for the movie.

The Malhotra family is one of the happy, loving extended families that popped up all the time in films around the turn of the century.  Wealthy patriarch Kailashnath (Amrish Puri) has retired, leaving business matter sin the hands of his son Ranjit (Dalip Tahil), while daughter in law Asha (Farida Jalal) manages the household and Pappu (Johny Lever), orphaned son of Kailishnath's old partner, provides comic relief.  Kailashnath has one dream: he wants a great grandson, and he's expecting grandson Raj (Salman Khan) to get married and provide one right away.

Raj does not want to get married, at least until he goes to a friend's wedding and meets Priya (Rani Mukherji), who completely takes over the celebration as only a character played by Rani Mukherji can, complete with a banging musical number.  Raj is smitten, and after some humorous misunderstandings, Raj and Priya are married, Priya joins the happy and loving extended family, and she's soon carrying the Malhotra heir.

And then tragedy strikes.  There's an accident, and Priya suffers a miscarriage.  the family (and especially Kailashnath) all try to comfort her by telling her that she'll be pregnant again soon.  What they don't know, but Raja and Priya do, is that the accident has rendered her infertile.  The promised Malhotra heir is not coming, but the family keeps pressuring them anyway, and the family doctor (Prem Chopra) is convinced that Kailashnath will have a heart attack if he finds out the truth.

Raj sensibly suggests that they go overseas and adopt a child, but Priya knows that Kailashnath is hoping for a great grandson that looks like Raj; it has to be Raj's child.  She reads an article about surrogacy, but the family is so well known that any attempt at artificial insemination would be discovered.  Priya has a simple (and terrible) plan: find a woman who will join them in Switzerland for a year and make a baby with Raj the old fashioned way.

Raj is in charge of finding a volunteer, and he's terrible at it.  His luck changes on a business trip, when he accidentally picks up a sex worker who hears his story and suggests a local bar dancer named Madhubala (Preity Zinta).  Madhubala is brash and spunky, and when she first appears on screen she's wearing a pink cowboy hat which is helpfully labelled "Sexy."

And then the movie becomes Pretty Woman for a while.  Madhubala, now "Madhu," learns how to dress and talk in order to pass in high society, and she forms a cautious friendship with Raj, especially after he comes to her aid when a snooty store manager throws her out.  Raj remains a perfect gentleman, though; Priya hasn't approved of Madhu yet, and he's been reluctant to cheat on his wife all along, no matter how baby hungry everyone else is.

Priya does approve, and the trio set off for romantic Switzerland.  After some careful maneuvering by Priya Raj and Madhu manage to complete their mission, and the three settle into a happy domestic life together, but there's trouble ahead.  Raj and Priya continue to treat Madhu with respect and value her as a person, and Madhu is starting to lose her professional detachment.  Before the situation can develop into a full-blown Archie-style love triangle Raj's family show up unannounced, and after the expected sitcom shenanigans they start treating Madhu with respect and valuing her as a person as well.  Everyone is happy but there are multiple shoes waiting to drop, and it is all going to end in tears.

First things first.  The plot is silly.  Surrogacy is a good idea in the Malhotra's situation, but Priya insists on going about it in the most emotionally complicated way possible.  They don't discuss anything with the rest of the family, ostensibly because of Kailashnath's allegedly weak heart, but mostly in order to create maximum opportunities for melodrama.  

On the other hand, it's a great cast, and they commit to the bit.  Rani Mukherji is always great, and the relationship between Priya and Madhu is complicated but feels real and valuable.  

However, as good as the cast is, everything rides on Preity Zinta's shoulders.  It has to, because Madhubala is the only character with an actual emotional arc, and everyone's happy ending depends on her choices.  I am happy to report that Preity Zinta rises to the challenge; she's the hero of the movie in more ways than one.

This sort of thing happens all the time in Switzerland.

 Before watching the movie, I knew exactly three things about Hadh Kar Di Aapne (2000).  First, the movie was released in 2000, putting it squarely in the middle of my favorite Bollywood era.  Second, it was not written or directed by David Dhawan.  And third, it stars a number of my favorite actors, and also Govinda.  What could possibly go wrong?

Sanjay (Nirmal Pandey) and Anjali Khanna (Ritu and Shivpuri) want a divorce, and for some reason they've each hired a lawyer from the same family, a father and son both played by Johny Lever.  This is mostly an excuse for Johny Lever to argue with himself, crack jokes, and mug for the camera, and it sets a tone that the rest of the movie will follow.

 Sanjay and Anjali each accuse the other of infidelity, and when the judge manages to get a word in edgewise he gives them a month to produce some evidence.  Anjali comes up with a brilliant plan - she'll pretend to leave for a trip to Europe, thus lulling her husband into a false sense of security.  When he inevitably starts with the extramarital canoodling, her lawyer will take pictures, and she'll have all the evidence she needs.  And just to make the ruse even more convincing, she'll send her college friend, also named Anjali Khanna (Rani Mukherji) on the trip in her place, so if anyone thinks to check there will definitely be an Anjali on the tour.

The second Anjali is young and carefree, and has no interest in getting married, so she busies herself in frightening prospective suitors away with outrageous lies.  Unfortunately, her latest suitor is a policeman who sees right through her stories, and if anything he's even more interested.  Anjali agrees to go on the trip for a chance to get away from her otherwise lovely father (Tinnu Anand) pressuring her.

When he finds out about the trip, Sanjay assumes that Anjali is going to Europe to meet a boyfriend, so he comes up with his own cunning plan.  He'll hire someone like James Bond to follow her on the trip and when Anjali inevitably starts with the extramarital canoodling, his secret agent will take pictures, and he'll have all the evidence he needs.  And fortunately, Sanjay knows just the man, his old college friend Raj Malhotra (Govinda), now a private detective.

Cut to Raj proving how much like James Bond he is by singing a song about how he's desperately lonely and just wants some woman somewhere to love him.  Sanjay visits Raj's home; Raj isn't there, but his family is.  They're all broad stereotypes played by Govinda, because if Johny Lever can play two characters in this movie, Govinda gets to play six.  Raj takes the case, and it's off to the airport.

At the airport, Raj and Anjali 2 literally bump into each other, and he quickly demonstrates why he's so lonely by coming on far too strong and touching her without her permission.  He keeps doing this while on the plane, donning an array of wacky disguises, and on the tour bus, and basically everywhere they go.  And at this point I had to double check to make sure the movie really wasn't directed by David Dhawan.

Europe turns out to be the same town in Switzerland filmed from different angles.  (I've seen a lot of late nineties and early noughties Bollywood, and I know the town of Gstaad when I see it.)  Raj thinks he's found his target, and follows Mona (Helen Brodie) as she meets with her various boyfriends and gives them presents during the tour.  He's wrong; Mona is actually smuggling drugs, but Raj still makes regular calls to Sanjay to update him on Mona's scandalous activities, at least when he's not too busy harassing Anjali.

Anjali is disgusted by Raj, but romance is inevitable, and the other tourists seem to think that they will make a delightful couple.  They try to help by conspiring top leave the couple alone in Gstaad on Valentine's Day and giving the hapless young man pep talks and advice, and he does get the chance to save Anjali from a fate worse than death (because this is a Govinda movie and that always happens) but she finally falls for him because it's necessary for the plot.

Then it is time for misunderstandings.  Raj realizes that Mona isn't Anjali, Anjali is Anjali.  (Not the Anjali he's looking for, because if he realized that the movie would be over.)  Anjali 1 discovers that Sanjay booked the same European tour for someone named Raj Malhotra, so she calls Anjali 2 and tells her that Raj is Sanjay in disguise.  Since the pair are already in love at this point, they're both heartbroken but determined to trap the other, though they're also both too moral to fall into the traps, so they return home and go their separate ways.  

I have checked, repeatedly, and David Dhawan did not make this movie.  But it's still incredibly David Dhawany, displaying such Dhawan trademarks as incredibly broad humor, an insufferable protagonist, sexual harassment turning to romance, and a variety of broad stereotypes in place of characters.

There are some bright spots.  Rani is always charming, even in a movie like this one.  Govinda does plenty of dancing, and he's a fantastic dancer.  The supporting cast gets to be funny at times, particularly fellow tourists Paresh Rawal, Himani Shivpuri and Satish Kaushik.  And it's always nice when Tinnu Anand gets to play a nice person rather than the sleazy villains he's usually typecast as.  

In the end, though, this is an aggressively stupid movie with a plot that makes anti-sense, and it's never quite as funny as it thinks it is.

Archie Month: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai revisited.

 Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) opens with a death, which is an unusual choice for a romantic movie.  Tina (Rani Mukherji) succumbs to a fatal case of Bollywood Mystery Disease shortly after giving birth, leaving behind her grieving husband Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan), her newborn daughter Anjali, and a stack of eight letters, one for each of Anjali's first eight birthdays.  (And you may be wondering what a one year old is going to do with a letter, but I can assure you, this plot is going to get weirder.)

Eight years pass.  Rahul is a successful businessman, living with his mother (Farida Jalal) and Anjali (Sana Saeed) who is spunky, TV obsessed, and devoted to her dad.  They're mostly happy, but something is definitely missing, and Anjali feels her mother's absence keenly.  Still, it's her birthday, and she has one more letter to look forward to.  She opens it and discovers an extended flashback!

Tina writes about Rahul's college days at St. Xaviers, the Bollywoodest of Bollywood colleges, complete with quirky teachers, a cheer-leading squad, and intercollegiate music competitions complete with hand painted signs.  Young Rahul is . . . kind of a jerk, honestly.  He's a smug aspiring ladies man who wears a chain with the word "Cool" on it.  However, he has a best friend, tomboy Anjali Sharma (Kajol), and she keeps him somewhat grounded.  (Cut to Little Anjali looking surprised at the namesake she's never heard of.)

Rahul and Anjali are very close, though they fight a lot, especially after Anjali inevitably beats Rahul at basketball.  The other students at the college are weirdly invested in their friendship, though, and will perform a spontaneous musical number in order to get them to make up.  And then Tina appears.  Tina Malhotra, that is, Oxford educated and drop dead gorgeous daughter of the college principal (Anupam Kher), who has transferred to St. Xaviers as a favor to her father.

Rahul is immediately captivated by Tina, and tries being an enormous jackass in order to win her heart.  When that completely fails, he tries a different tack, announcing to a classroom that "Love is Friendship," that friendship is absolutely necessary for any romantic relationship to work.  That gets Tina's attention,and when he asks her to be his friend she says yes.  Unfortunately, his declaration also gets Anjali's attention, and she starts wondering if her feelings for Rahul aren't so platonic after all.  The Archie romantic triangle is in place.

Unfortunately for Anjali, it isn't much of a contest.  She's an awkward tomboy with no experience in matters of the heart, and her attempts to dress up and look pretty like Tina lead to humiliating failure.  Tina, on the other hand, is glamorous, worldly, and has a keen emotional intelligence that Rahul and Anjali both lack.  Tina suspects that there's more to Rahul and Anjali's relationship than just friendship, and she tries to talk to Anjali about it before seriously pursuing a relationship.  Even after Anjali's vague denials, she still feels that she's an interloper, but Rahul has no such doubts, and confesses his love.  Anjali is heartbroken, and after an emotional farewell to Rahul and Tina she leaves college and they never see her again.

Tina ends her story by saying that she knows Rahul is lonely now, and that she still feels terrible about coming between them, so she charges Little Anjali to find Big Anjali and finally reunite her with Rahul, which seems like a lot of pressure to put on an eight year old; she immediately recruits her grandparents to help, but it might have been better for Tina to ask her father in the first place rather than waiting eight years for her daughter to develop sufficient reading comprehension.  

Big Anjali, meanwhile, is older, more confident, and wears saris rather than gym gear.  She's engaged to Aman (Salman Khan), a businessman who is handsome, charming, sort of annoying, and utterly besotted with her.  Her mother (Reema Lagoo) has doubts; she knows that Anjali never got over Rahul, and that she isn't really in love with Aman, but Anjali is determined to go through with the wedding.  Thanks to literal divine intervention the actual marriage is delayed until December, so she goes to work at a summer camp in Shimla, run by the cheerful but buffoonish and Britain-obsessed Colonel Almeida (Johny Lever.)

Little Anjali learns about the summer camp by calling her namesake and listening silently until she hears something useful.  She and her grandmother enroll in the camp, the Anjalis meet and bond, and then the older Anjali discovers just who her new student is, and what happened to her friend Tina.  Then Little Anjali activates Phase II of her plan, calling her father and pretending to be sick so that he'll rush to the camp.  He rushes to the camp, sees both Anjalis together, and completely fumbles the reunion.  Little Anjali and her co-conspirators do their best to push the two together, old feelings resurface, new feelings start to boil over, and the pair are just about to confess their mutual love when Aman returns.

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was writer/director Karan Johar's first movie, and the first step in his examination of increasingly transgressive love stories.  However, Rahul and Anjali are really not that transgressive; he's a widower and she's engaged to another man, but widowed men remarry all the time in Bollywood, and even Aman knows that she's just not that into him.  It's not like there's family pressure forcing Anjali to keep the engagement, either, since her mother clearly has doubts about the whole situation.  Everything could be resolved happily with five minutes of honest conversation, but instead Rahul and Anjali suffer in silence up to the very last minute, inspiring the people around them to make what Pretentious Movie Reviews calls the "Wow, Such Values Face", marveling at their stoic but pointless sacrifice.

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai has been reexamined in recent years, and as a member of the Pretty In Pink generation I think that's healthy.  I don't agree with all of the criticism I've seen, but Rahul is kind of toxic at times, especially in his younger days, and the movie does stick to a very conservative idea of family structure, with Little Anjali needing a mother being one of the driving elements of the plot.  Rather than argue fine points, though, I will tell you why I think that Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is good, actually.

It goes back to Archie comics, which Karan Johar has said were a specific inspiration for the film.  For the Betty-Archie-Veronica triangle to really work, both of the potential love interests have to be viable choices; Pride and Prejudice doesn't fit the Archie model, for instance, because Darcy is good but stuffy while Wickham is charming but actually a monster.  More than that, like Betty and Veronica, Anjali and Tina are genuine friends, with a relationship that extends beyond Rahul.  When Anjali discovers the truth about Little Anjali, her first reaction is to take a moment to mourn her friend.

The plot is, of course, absolute nonsense, with a constellation of plot holes shining through the script.  But like many films of this era, the plot is just a vehicle for delivering emotions, and emotions abound.  Even at this early stage of his career, Karan Johar has a real knack for writing characters, and the actors chosen to play those characters are fantastic.  Kajol is the real standout here, conveying volumes of meaning just through facial expression; you can literally highlight the exact second when her heart breaks, in the middle of a joyous dance number, without a word being spoken.

The movie is a mess, but it's a wonderful mess.  Just don't take it as a guide to healthy relationships.

Pride and Punchability

 Khiladi 786 (2012) is the most recent installment in the long-running Khiladi series of films, but all the movies really have in common is Akshay Kumar in the lead role and "Khiladi" in the title, so there's no need to watch the other 785 first.  

Kumar plays Bahattar Singh, who is introduced as a heroic Punjabi police officer who intercepts goods being smuggled in food trucks, and is honest, incorruptible, fearless, and so good at fighting that the laws of physics are merely polite suggestions.  Except he's not really a police officer; Bahattar and his family are criminals who hijack the trucks, let the police arrest the smugglers, and then split the proceeds with their corrupt police pals.  Business is good, but the family's reputation is bad enough that no Indian family will let their daughter marry Bahattar.  His grandmother, mother and sister-in-law are African, Canadian, and Chinese, respectively, but he's hoping to find a traditional Indian bride.

Meanwhile, marriage broker Champaklal Desai (Manoj Joshi) and his son Mansukh (Himesh Reshammiya) are celebrating another successful match made.  The bride's father insisted on an arranged marriage rather than a love marriage for his daughter, but Champaklal actually arranged for the daughter to marry her long-time boyfriend, and they're only pretending not to know each other.  As Champaklal explains to his son, a little fibbing is okay if it leads to a marriage.  Mansukh repeats his father's words to a potential client, while standing next to a live microphone, at the actual wedding.  Suddenly the wedding is of and a furious Champaklal throws Mansukh out of the house for ruining yet another marriage.

Mansukh and his friend Jeevanlal (Sanjay Mishra) are drinking and lamenting this turn of events when Jeevanlal tosses a bottle away and it crashes through the windshield of Indu (Asin), who was driving through the street at breakneck speed in order to scare away a potential groom.  Indu is the sister of powerful gangster TTT (Mithun Chakraborty) so Mansukh and Jeevanlal are quickly surrounded by armed men, but when TTT finds out that Mansukh is a marriage broker, he's happy to forgive everything, as long as Mansukh can find Indu a groom from a  good family within ten days.

Fortunately, Mansukh met what he assumed was a heroic policeman while visiting Punjab for a wedding, and he knows that Bahattar is looking for a bride.  He heads to Punjab to arrange the match, and when asked tells Bahattar's family that Indu comes form a family of police officers.  Both families are criminals, but they both believe that the other family are police, and so wackiness ensues.

Indu, meanwhile, does not want to marry Bahattar because she already has a boyfriend, hapless Azad (Rahul Singh), who is in prison and constantly on the verge of being released before he screws it up again.  She uses all her tricks to frighten Bahattar away, but he's a card-carrying action hero, so he can take it.  He's also a decent and kind person and Azad is not, so she's a little conflicted, suddenly.

Khiladi 786 is the Khiladiest of all the Khiladi movies.  It's got an engaging farcical premise wrapped around the romantic storyline.  It's got Johny Lever. It has absolutely ridiculous action scenes; Bahattar is outright superhuman for no apparent reason, and other characters comment on it.  It has back up dancers in astonishingly skimpy outfits and an R. D. Burman themed nightclub.  And unfortunately it has Akshay Kumar wearing dark makeup to play his own long lost brother, which is really not cool.

And ultimately, it's nonsense piled on top of further nonsense.  Literally nobody wants to marry the handsome, rich action hero who only steals from criminals and has a notoriously good heart?  Can't TTT just hire a marriage broker rather than literally finding one on the street?  And why does Azad, who has been a low level criminal loser throughout the entire movie, suddenly have a small army of goons working for him just in time for the climax?  Doesn't matter.  Back to the farce and punching.

Agra is famous for two things.

 Tera Jadoo Chal Gaya (2000) features some of Bollywood's finest supporting actors, including local favorites Johny Lever and Farida Jalal, but casts two fresh faces as the leads, Abhishek Bachchan and Kirti Reddy.  Abhishek, son of Bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan, went on to have a long and fairly successful career, and Kirti Reddy . . . . did not.

But that's a story for another time.  In this movie, Reddy plays Pooja Sinha, an advertising executive with a dream.  Right now, Pooja works for stern but avuncular Mr. Oberoi (Kader Khan, doing his best Perry White impression), but one day she hopes to be a successful director.  She has the support of her saintly mother (Farida Jalal) and her flamboyant best pal Maggi (Johny Lever), and she's going to need it, because she's constantly late and on the verge of being fired.  Despite that, though, she manages to catch Oberoi in a particularly avuncular mood and gets permission to take three days off to attend a friend's wedding in Agra.

Agra is famous for two things; one is the Taj Mahal, and the other is Kabir . . . at least that's what Kabir (Bachchan) says.  Kabir is street smart, charming, and a talented musician, but so far he's not really successful.  When we meet him, he's filming the wedding preparations at the behest of his best friend/adoptive father Gaffoor (Paresh Rawal.)  At least, that's what he's supposed to be doing; Kabir spends most of his time filming the mysterious and beautiful lady from Mumbai.  Gaffoor is annoyed and takes over the filming, which frees Kabir up to flirt with Pooja.  She finds him interesting, but he is absolutely smitten.  Still, he never manages to say anything to her, and his grand romantic gesture as she's leaving is to ride a horse through the train station and . . . hand over a nice collection of photos from her trip as a souvenir.

Pooja returns to the office after four days and is handed termination papers; it turns out Oberoi was really serious about the three day thing.  Maggi saves the day by spinning a quick story about Pooja's engagement, showing the boss a picture of Kabir and Pooja as evidence.  Oberoi buys it, Pooja's job is safe, and everything is great.  And that's when Oberoi's son Raj (Sanjay Sure) enters the picture.

Raj is everything Pooja has been saving herself for.  He's rich, he's handsome, he's . . . that's basically it.  Rich and handsome.  (Pooja is not a deep person.)  She immediately falls head over heels for Raj, but as far as everyone at work knows, she's taken.  Maggi has another great idea - just tell Oberoi that Kabir has done something terrible, and he'll insist that she calls off the engagement.  It's foolproof, as long as Kabir doesn't show up in Mumbai, and what are the odds of that?

Meanwhile, Kabir has been brooding about Pooja, and decides to travel to Mumbai to tell her how he feels.  He's accompanied by Gaffooor and Gaffoor's wife Shyama (Himani Shivpuri), and after settling in to their temporary residence, he goes looking for Pooja and winds up saving Oberoi from a band of well-armed muggers, suffering a nasty head wound in the process.  Oberoi realizes immediately that this must be Pooja's Kabir, so he takes the lad to the hospital and then drags Pooja there to see her fiance before she can manage to lie to him.

Kabir is thrilled about the sudden engagement.  He's less thrilled when Pooja takes him aside and explains her situation.  She tells him that it's not enough for him to just break the false engagement and go away; she has to look like the innocent victim, so the only way to fix the mess she created and allow her to pursue the man she just met is for Kabir to publicly humiliate himself and play the villainous buffoon so that Oberoi will insist she end the engagement.  At this point it's clear that Pooja is actually kind of an awful person, but Kabir is a Bollywood hero in love, so he immediately commits to maximum self-sacrifice, and vows not to return home until all of her dreams have been fulfilled.

The noble self sacrifice sounds a bit extreme, but it's actually pretty typical late Nineties Bollywood stuff, and it plays out in the usual way.  Will Kabir fulfill his vow?  Of course, even if he has to become a major celebrity overnight in order to do it.  Will Pooja realize her mistake and realize that Kabir loves her, and that she truly loves him back?  Eventually!  The difference is that usually the person making the noble self sacrifice is doing it by choice, without telling the person for whom they're sacrificing themself.  Pooja asks Kabir to humiliate himself because she is too embarrassed to tell the truth, which makes her look terrible.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman choosing one man over another, and Kabir would be the first to tell you that his feelings, however powerful, do not oblige her to do anything.  He never even tells her how he feels, and she doesn't find out until her mother explains things.  That's fine, and if she had sent Kabir on his way or even asked him to publicly break off the engagement, there would be no problem.  But that's not what she does.  She asks a man she's known for four days to burn down his own reputation in order to make her look good in front of a man she's just met, in order to clean up the mess that she made.  It's really hard to sympathize with her plight.

Apart from that, Tera Jadoo Chal Gaya is fine.  There are plenty of songs.  The supporting cast is great.  the leads are suitably attractive; it's far from Bachchan's best performance, but he's suitably charming, and Reddy does her very best to bring some pathos to the character she's been asked to play.  Two people find love and everybody learns a valuable lesson, but I think the real lesson is "If your unrequited love with asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, it's okay to say no."

Take a look. It's in a book.

 Chashme Bahaddar (2006) is not exactly a superhero movie.  It's certainly not a big budget Bollywood special effects extravaganza, it's a goody low budget Marathi comedy, and the biggest name in the cast is probably Johny Lever.  Still, it's a movie with a fantastic premise (in more ways than one) and it turns out you can get a lot of ridiculous out of a limited budget.

Rajaram Dhappne (Sanjay Narvekar) is an assistant librarian at a small Mumbai library.  That may sound glamorous, but he's actually kind of a nebbish, more interested in reading books than in engaging with the world around him.  His wife Neelima (Deepali Saiyyed) and son don't really respect him, his boss (Johny Lever) is constantly berating him, and the neighbors treat him as something of a joke.  Raja is the kind of man that winds up getting beaten on the street by an angry mob because they assumed that he was harassing his own wife.

It gets worse, though.  Raja's neighborhood has been targeted by Dholakia (Shrirang Godbhole), a corrupt developer who plans to level the area and build a fancy tower in its place.  (Well, that's what the subtitles say; I'm not sure if he's actually planning to build an apartment block or a fancy luxury hotel.)  Dholakia has recruited gangster Dolya (Deepak Shirke) and his incompetent but violent gang to clear the neighborhood.  

The only thing standing in Dolya's way is a complaint filed at the police department and signed by Raja.  Or signed by someone claiming to be Raja - Raja certainly didn't file any police report.  Dolya gives orders to kidnap Raja and "persuade" him to drop the report, so Raja tries to be careful, but all the hiding under the bed he's doing isn't impressing his family.

And then help comes in a box, inherited from Raja's deceased grandfather.  The box contains a statue of the grandfather, a fancy pair of glasses, and a friendly ghost, who explains how the glasses work.  Anyone wearing the glasses and reading the book will be possessed by the spirit of the main character, because apparently fictional characters explicitly have spirits in this universe, but that's not important right now.  There are limits, the most serious one being that the reader will be that character while the possession lasts, knowing only what the character knows and pursuing the character's agenda.  The possession lasts until the character notices two crossed lines, whether that be an actual cross, crossed arms, or the straps on a blouse.

Having been granted this amazing power, Raja sort of mucks about for a bit.  He becomes Arjun and interrupts a wedding of a woman who happens to be named Draupadi and is in the process of carrying away the enthusiastic bride when he reverts to Raja.  As Father De Silva, he convinces the men of the neighborhood to give up drinking and accidentally shakes down the local bar owner (Rajpal Yadav), then he transforms into a drunkard and takes them all out to the same bar.  

Along the way Raja manages to accidentally win the respect of his neighbors and especially his family, while putting the fear of God (or rather Arjun) into the gang members.  Which means that when the situation turns serious, everyone looks to Raja to save them.  The gangsters attack right after Holi, because this movie is deliberately riffing on Sholay at this point, and Raja is ready, with a fairly ridiculous plan that fails almost immediately, leaving Raja to face the villains as himself.

Chashme Bahaddar is definitely playing to its budget.  The special effects are . . . unambitious, the incidental music is largely lifted from Western movies (notably Jurassic Park), and the comedy is broad, because the filmmakers could not afford subtlety.  And that's fine.  This is a lightweight silly comedy, but it's a fun lightweight silly comedy.

If the movie has an actual flaw, it's the pacing.  Raja does a lot of meandering before the plot actually picks up; the Father De Silva sequence in particular goes on for a bit too long, and he subsequent "funny drunk" sequence that follows could be dropped entirely.  It's just an excuse for an item number, and there are other ways to justify pretty ladies dancing.  

 

Despite the sequel hunting ending, there's not going to be a Chashme Bahaddar Cinematic Universe-it's an insubstantial bit of fluff, and no better than it ought to be.  But it is as good as it ought to be.

I asked an AI to write a review of Anjaam. The results will shock you.

Write a blog post about the Bollywood movie Anjaam, starring Shah Rukh Khan



Anjaam, directed by Rahul Rawail, is a Bollywood movie that was released in 1994. The movie stars Shah Rukh Khan, Madhuri Dixit, and Deepak Tijori in lead roles. The film tells the story of a successful businessman, Vijay Agnihotri (played by Shah Rukh Khan), who is pursued by a vengeful woman, Shivani Chopra (played by Madhuri Dixit), after a chance encounter leads to a fatal accident.


The film begins with Vijay Agnihotri, a wealthy businessman who seems to have everything, including a beautiful wife, Priya (played by Tinnu Anand), and a loving mother. However, his life takes a turn for the worse when he accidentally kills a woman while driving under the influence of alcohol. The woman is Shivani Chopra's sister, and she vows to take revenge on Vijay for her sister's death.


Shivani's quest for revenge leads her to stalk and torment Vijay, and as the movie progresses, she becomes more and more unhinged. She resorts to kidnapping Vijay's mother, blackmailing him into marrying her, and even attempts to kill him.


Anjaam is a dark and intense movie that explores themes of obsession, revenge, and the consequences of one's actions. The film features some excellent performances from its lead actors, particularly Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit, who bring a level of intensity and complexity to their characters.


The movie also features some memorable songs, including the popular number "Channe Ke Khet Mein," which features Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit dancing in a colorful and vibrant setting.


Overall, Anjaam is a gripping and emotional movie that showcases the talent of its director and cast. It is a must-watch for anyone who enjoys intense dramas and powerful performances. If you are a fan of Shah Rukh Khan or Madhuri Dixit, this movie is a must-see.

I have only one question about this review:  did Vijay Agnihotri write this?  Because yes, he does run over and kill Shivani's sister (and daughter!), and yes, she does ultimately exact a brutal and almost Shakespearean revenge, but the AI kind of glosses over the fact that Vijay is an obsessive and violent stalker who has spent years ruining the life of the woman who dared reject him, a campaign which included murdering Shivani's husband before her eyes and sending her to prison for a crime which she did not commit and which did not in fact happen.

Anjaam is one of Shah Rukh's early, negative roles, forming a kind of Stalker Trilogy with Baazigar and Darr.  It's probably the least well regarded on the three, perhaps because the movie practically wallows in Shivani's misery, so that by the time she actually manages to take revenge, the viewer is just exhausted.

Vijay's pretty wife Priya seems to have been completely invented by the AI, and while Tinnu Anand is one of my favorite supporting actors, he would not have been my first choice to play a beautiful wife.

Chatbots lie, and they do so cheerfully and without remorse.  I am not surprised that the AI was this wrong about the movie, though I am a bit surprised and horrified that it was wrong in this particular way.  Anjaam is not an obscure movie, and the AI knew who the characters were, so I don't see why it reversed the victim and attacker so thoroughly. The clear lesson here is think carefully before allowing chatbots to write your movie reviews.

Also, think carefully before watching Anjaam.  It will not make you happy.