Jaanemonth: Bajirao Mastani

Bajirao Mastani (2015) is a big, sweeping historical epic, which means that viewers can expect grand battles, even grander passions, love, needless tragedy, and plenty of stupid vows.  And of course it delivers.  However, Bajirao and Mastani are unusual tragic protagonists, so there's a bit of a twist.

Bajirao (Ranveer Singh) is the Peshwa, or Prime Minsiter, of the Maratha Empire.  He became Peshwa at the age of twenty, and while he's quite young for the role, he's also a brilliant military leader, skilled diplomat, and clever politician.  Bajirao is married to Kashibai (Priyanka Chopra), who is beautiful, devoted, and perhaps a bit insecure.  They also have a young son, Nana, who conveniently disappears from the narrative for a while.

On the road to Sironja, Bajirao's troops are approached by an emissary from nearby Bundelkhand, asking for help against an invading army.  Bajirao refuses, until he discovers that the emissary is actual factual warrior princess Mastani (Deepika Padukone), daughter of the king of Bundelkhand.  Seeing Mastani's courage, determination, and fighting skills in action, he agrees to make a detour.

During the battle, Bajirao sees Mastani lunging in his direction, sword in hand, and he strikes out of instinct, only to discover that an enemy soldier was sneaking up behind him and Mastani just saved his life.  The battle has been won, and Bajirao carries a wounded Mastani to safety in dramatic fashion.  he stays in Bundelkhand long enough to celebrate Holi, and frequently visits Mastani, using his dagger to cauterize her wound.  Then he gives her the dagger, which turns out to be his first mistake.

It's tradition in Bundelkhund that when a man gives a woman his dagger, it's considered a proxy marriage.  Mastani knows that this isn't the custom in Maratha, but she still considers the gift a valid marriage, and she travels to Bajirao's home in Pune to join her husband.  

In Pune, Mastani meets Bajirao's mother Radhabai (Tanvi Azmi), who isn't allowing this Muslim Rajput woman anywhere near her son.  She goes out of her way to be as cruel as possible, sending Mastani to stay in the courtesans' quarters and humiliating her whenever possible.  That is definitely a mistake; Mastani uses her new living quarters to perform a dance for the court, which is how Bajirao discovers that she's there.  He asks her to meet.

Radhabai continues to try to humiliate Mastani, proclaiming that she's been accepted as the new court dancer. Bajirao is having none of it; he won't have a guest treated that way, let alone the woman who saved his life.  And after he discovers why she's there, he tells Mastani that Kashibai will always be the first wife, and that the court will never accept her, but if she is willing to accept her situation, he will accept her as his second wife.  

Bajirao tells Mastani that they need to stay apart until he explains the situation to Kashibai.  It's not the easiest conversation to have, though, and Radhabai and others in the family keep disrupting his communication with Mastani.  They tell her that he's ill and won't see anyone, prompting a late night visit to check on him, which leads to Kashibai learning the secret in the most painful way possible.

And so it goes.  Bajirao is frequently away at war, and despite his best efforts, the court is actively terrible to Mastani whenever possible.  Kashibai strives for the bare minimum of civility, but she's clearly deeply hurt by the situation.  Despite that, both wives give birth to sons within a few months of each other.  

And speaking of sons, Kashibai's oldest son Nana returns, now an adult and played by Ayush Tandon, and he hates Mastani even more than Radhabai does.  Aftar an assassination attempt on Mastani that is only foiled by a timely warning from Kashibai (and Mastani's own skill with a blade) Bajirao has had enough.  He declares that his price to remain Peshwa is that the court accept both his wives.  They don't,. so he steps down.

That's a problem for Maratha, since the empire is now being threatened by the new Nawab of Hyderabad.  After much pleading, Bajirao agrees to fight one last battle.  And basically the moment he's out of sight, Nana and Radhabai have Mastani arrested and chained up in a tower somewhere, which means everybody's made their last mistake, and tragedy is pretty much inevitable.

In tragedy as explained in High School English classes, the tragic hero is basically virtuous but with a tragic flaw that leads to their downfall.  That's not really what happens here; Bajirao and Mastani aren't exactly blameless, they both try very hard to find a compromise that's at least livable for everyone, and they are instead met with constant, unrelenting, and downright cruel and petty hostility from nearly everyone.  The real tragedy here is that Bajirao's family are such jerks.

That is not a flaw in the movie, however.  Bajirao Mastani hits all of the "historical epic" notes almost perfectly.  The sets, costumes, and actors are gorgeous, the battles are big, and the emotions are even bigger.  It's a very strong cast at the top of their game, and that makes it all the more impressive when Priyanka Chopra manages to steal the entire movie.  Her Kashibai is the most complex, and probably the most admirable character in the entire movie, torn between the desire to see her husband happy and her pain at apparently being replaced.  Kashibai is smart enough to know that her name is not going to be in the title, and it's heartbreaking to see her realize that.

Jaanemonth: Dil Chahta Hai

 On June 12, 2003, Turner Classic Movies continued its "Hooray for Bollywood" marathon, and I was . . . not really paying attention, honestly.  The movies looked interesting, but subtitles can be hard to follow if you're not used to them.  And then, in the middle of Dil Chahta Hai (2001), they played a song.  It was a pitch perfect skewering of romantic tropes while simultaneously being frothy, fun and sincere.  It was a love song that included the line "I think you are deluded."  And it ended with a sudden crumbling of the fourth wall, and suddenly I was paying very close close attention indeed.  Twenty years later, here we are.

Dil Chahta Hai unfolds as a series of flashbacks.  In the framing story, Sid (Akshaye Khanna) reunites with his old friend Sameer (Saif Ali Khan) at the hospital, after a sudden, tragic, and as yet undisclosed event.  They talk about their mutual friend Akash, whom Sid is certain will not be coming, and reminisce about days gone by, starting with their college graduation party.

At the party Sameer quickly establishes himself as the hopeless romantic, currently besotted by his controlling girlfriend Priya (Suchitra Pillai).  Akash is smooth, kind of a jerk, and doesn't believe in love.  He's currently being pursued by Deepa (Samantha Tremayne), but he doesn't take her seriously.  And Sid is the sensitive artist who ignores the drama going on around him because he's busy sketching a girl he spotted across the room.  

After a frenetic song and dance about how they're young and carefree and nothing is ever going to change them, Akash makes his move on the mystery girl, who turns out to be named Shalini (Preity Zinta.)  Turns out he's not as charming as he thinks he is, and he winds up getting punched by Shalini's fiance Rohit (Ayub Khan.)  

Priya is horrified by Akash's behavior (fair!) and demands that Sameer never speaks to him again (less fair!).  Things don't work out the way she planned, however, and after the breakup Sameer joins Sid and Akash on a road trip to Goa.  It's one of the most beloved and iconic sequences in the movie, but very little actually happens, apart from some foreshadowing about life taking the friends in different directions and Sid giving Deepa some very good advice.

After the road trip, life starts taking the guys in different directions.  Sid's art career begins to take off.  At the same time, he finds himself drawn to his new neighbor Tara (Dimple Kapadia), who is beautiful, troubled, divorced, and a good fifteen years older than he is.  He has no intention of pursuing a relationship, but he does tell Sameer and Akash about his feelings.  It doesn't go well.  Akash makes a very inappropriate joke, Sid punches him, and that leg of the friendship triangle is basically gone.  Sid leaves for an artist's retreat soon after.

Akash is sent to manage the family business in Sydney, and on the plane he's seated next to Shalini, who's off to visit her uncle Mahesh (Rajaat kapoor).  Akash apologizes for his behavior at the party, and by the time the plane lands they're friends.  They spend a lot of time together, much to Rohit's dismay, but he's in still in India and can't really interfere.  Akash is still his cynical self, but Shalini is a romantic, despite (or perhaps because of) her impending loveless marriage, and so she dedicates herself to convincing Akash that love is a thing that exists.  They even debate the issue in song.

And Sameer has been left alone all this time, which is usually a recipe for trouble.  His parents try to arrange a marriage for him with Pooja (Sonali Kulkarni), but but while Sameer is instantly smitten (as usual), she's got a boyfriend, so Sameer becomes her friend instead.  He's still carrying a torch, and there's definitely a spark there, but when he tries to confess his feelings, she doesn't take him seriously . . . until they go to a movie and watch a certain life-changing musical number.

Meanwhile in Australia, Shalini demonstrates her thesis by taking Akash to the opera, explaining the plot, and when Troilus stands at the gates of heaven begging to be allowed one last moment with Cressida, she asks Akash to close his eyes and picture the one person he would give up everything for.  He does, and spoiler: It's Shalini.

Of course, when they're walking home from the opera and Shalini asks him who he saw, Akash can't resist making a joke out of it, spoiling his one perfect chance.  And that's when Rohit appears.  Akash tries to be graceful, and doesn't stand in the way as Rohit and Shalini return to India.  But Akash is utterly miserable, and it's clear that the situation is not going to resolve itself for him; this is a Bollywood movie, and he's got a wedding to crash.

Dil Chahta Hai was a moderate success during its initial run in the theaters; young urban people loved the movie, but it didn't do well in the villages.  However, the critics adored the film, and it quickly became one of the most influential films in Bollywood history.  The production values were a step up form the industry standard of the time, but the real innovation was the dialogue.  Writer-director Farhan Akhtar worked very hard to ensure that his young Mumbai-dwelling characters spoke like real young people who live in Mumbai, and as a consequence the acting was more naturalistic than the melodramatic filmi standard.

While the new and slick style changed the industry and launched a fleet of imitators, though, it's the movie's heart that really makes it work.  Sameer's plotline is a little underdeveloped compared to the others, but all three romances work, because they all grow naturally.  It's no coincidence that all three plotlines feature the respective couples starting out as friends, and love doesn't come for free to anyone.  Both Shalini and Sid argue at various points that love is something that happens rather than something you choose, but in each case love is something you have to work at if you want it to succeed.  And as it turns out, maintaining and reviving friendships takes work, too.

With all that, though, Dil Chahta Hai feels effortless.  It shifts between clever and naturalistic dialogue and the world's most filmi musical number and it makes the shift look easy.  It's not a perfect film, but even after twenty years, it still feels fresh.  I am still paying attention.

 

Jaanemonth: Chaar Din Ki Chandni

Chaar Din Ki Chandni (2012) has a classic Bollywood romance plotline; one half of a star-crossed couple must live with the family of their intended under false pretenses, along the way healing rifts, overturning prejudices, and ultimately winning over their stern and volatile prospective father in law.  It's the basis of several great movies, many of which star Shah Rukh Khan.  Unfortunately it's also the basis of a few crummy movies.

This time around, the star crossed lovers are Veer (Tusshar Kapoor) and Chandni (Kulraj Randhawa).  Chandni will be playing the SRK part this time; she's the daughter of caring and eccentric Punjabi stereotypes Fatoor Singh (Om Puri) and Pammi (Farida Jalal).  Veer, on the other hand, is the son of Rajput aristocrat Chandraveer "CV" Singh (Anupam Kher), who alternates between Kher's typical cuddliness and pointing rifles at the people who have disappointed him.

Veer's sister Divya (Shruti Sharma) is getting married, and Veer thinks that it's the perfect time to bring Chandni around to meet the family.  His mother Devika (Anita Raj) advises the couple to just get married quietly and settle in London instead; CV is so devoted to preserving aristocratic Rajput culture that he ended a long friendship with Paan Singh (Johny Lever!) just because Paan's son married into a non-Rajput family.  

Still, Veer is determined, up until the moment when he meets his father face to face.  Rather than tell the truth, he tells his father that Chanbdni is a reporter from London, here to do a story on the wedding.  (In the very next scene it's established that Chandni and Divya are friends, which would have been a much better and easier cover story, and nobody would have to wear a fake beard.  But, heat of the moment . . .)

Everybody thinks Chandni is great.  Veer's three brothers (Mukul Dev, Sushant Singh, and Chandrachur Singh) are immediately smitten, though his uncle Shaitan (Rahul Singh) thinks that something is going on between Veer and Chandni.  And then things get really complicated.  Chandni's parents arrive, thinking that Veer and Chandni have become engaged.  Veer introduces them as a famous Punjabi decorator and his assistant, and Fatoor and CV quickly become friends.

So far Veer has been doing all of the ill-advised lying, but now it's Chandni's turn.  CV asks her about her marital prospects, and she tells him that an astrologer told her if she doesn't get engaged in the next four days.  CV vows to find her a man, and his method is to ask Fatoor if he knows any good Punjabi guys, without explaining why he's asking.  Fatoor invents Pappi Sardar, but when it's clear that CV expects him to actually show up, Veer has to step up and play a double role.  At which point wackiness ensues.

Chaar Din Ki Chandni isn't a great romance; Kapoor and Randhawa have very little chemistry together, and spend most of their screentime dealing with their eccentric families.  Which is fine.  It wouldn't be the first romantic comedy that had to lean heavily on the comedy side.  Unfortunately, most of the jokes revolve around either unfortunate ethnic stereotypes or Veer playing vicious pranks on his brothers and uncle.  There are a few moments of genuine humor, mostly supplied by Johny Lever, and a few early jokes get satisfying payoffs, but the less said about the genuinely offensive subplot with the flamboyant wedding planner, the better.  

So, romance is out, comedy is out.  Family drama?  Not much.  Veer eventually learns to stand up to his father, and CV gets over his marriage issues, but that's really the only character development that happens here.  At the end, everybody is basically the same person, and most of those people are jerks. 

 

Jaanemonth 2023.

 It's February, and here at the Gorilla's Lament we are celebrating Jaanemonth, a month long celebration of Bollywood romance.  Join us for gratuitous musical numbers, noble sacrifices, and Shahrulh Khan standing with his arms extended.

Something weird, and it don't look good.

Watching the trailer, you might think that Phone Bhoot (20220 is a jumble of movie references and slacker comedy, and you would be right - that's exactly what Phone Bhoot is.  But that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sherdil Shergil (Siddhant Chaturvedi), known as "Major" to his friends, is an aspiring Lothario from Punjab and his roommate Galileo Parthasarthy (Ishaan Khatter), also known as "Gullu", is a goofy nerd from Tamil Nadu, but they are both idiots.  They're obsessed with horror movies, and have decorated their home with horror paraphernalia, all centered around a life-sized statue of Raaka, the monster from the Ramsay film Purana Mandir, which they scavenged from behind a movie studio.  

The pair are always upcoming up with new ideas for businesses, and those businesses always fail, because the pair insist on cramming ghosts into everything.  Their new big idea is a party planning business, but nobody comes to their debut (horror-themed) party.  And to make matters worse, Raaka's glowing eyes short out, and while Major and Gullu attempt to fix them, they wind up electrocuting themselves.  But only a little!

When they come to, the party is filled with people, none of whom show any interest in paying.  When they catch right of the mysterious but beautiful Ragini (Katrina Kaif) they forget about everyone else, but after the requisite musical number, Ragini is gone, the other partygoers are gone, and the police show up to arrest them for trespassing.

Major and Gullu are released, and Ragini follows them home and explains her deal - she's a ghost, everybody at the party was a ghost, and the boys can now see ghosts after their near death experiences. She also has a business proposition - the boys market themselves as ghostbusters and "exorcise" her from the people and places that she haunts.  They refuse, and then promptly turn around and steal her idea, marketing themselves as "Phone Bhoot,."

And once again, it's a complete failure - they may be able to see ghosts now, but the hotline gets nothing but a string of prank phone calls.  After days of mockery, they finally get a real phone call, and race off to save a real possessed little girl.  And for a while they do pretty well, especially when Gullu realizes that the ghost is speaking Tamil and uses a picture of superstar Rajnikanth as a holy symbol.  But the problem isn't really solved until Ragini appears and talks to the ghost, learning her motivations.  The boys get paid, and the ghost achieves salvation.

And Phone Bhoot takes off, not as a scam, but as a genuine service.  Major and Gullu help the living, and Ragini helps the dead.  It's a big success, and they have great word of mouth among both humans and ghosts.

What they don't know is that they have competition in the salvation business; sorcerer Atmaran Dhyani (Jackie Shroff) offers salvation to ghosts who commit murder and other evil deeds for him.  Of course, Atmaran is running a scam - the ghosts he promises salvation to are taken to the back room and trapped in bottles.  he does not appreciate the idea of two idiots going around granting salvation to troubled souls for free, and he has plans to deal with them.  Fortunately, his hench-ghosts are also idiots.

Phone Bhoot is a dumb movie, and there's no getting around that fact.  However, it's a hard-working dumb movie, with a plot that might not make sense, but at least fits together as a cohesive narrative.  Running jokes from the first half of the movie actually pay off as plot points in the climax.  And I don't know why award-winning actor Jackie Shroff is even in this movie, but he's clearly having a great time.

There's no real deeper meaning or message here, apart from "Pay attention while you're driving!", but I respect the craft.

The Long Goodbye

RRR is a great movie, but not every Indian movie can be RRR.  And thank goodness for that!  If every movie is a bombastic, testosterone fueled festival of action, then they all start to blend together.  Soemtimes you need a change of pace, like a quirky feel-good family comedy set at a funeral.  And that's where Goodbye (2022) comes in.

Newly minted lawyer Tara Bhalla (Rashmika Mandanna) wins her first case and goes out to a nightclub to celebrate.  She leaves her phone at the club, only finds out that her mother Gayatri (Neena Gupta) has died suddenly when the bartender who returns her phone tells her.  She immediately makes plans to return to her childhood home in Chandigarh to be with her stern and very traditional father Harish (Amitabh Bachchan.)  She decides to leave her live-in boyfriend Mudassar (Shivin Narang) behind, since Harish doesn't approve.

Meanwhile Harish and the family housekeeper Delna (Payal Thapa) are trying to contact the rest of the family.  Oldest brother Karan (Pavail Gulati) and his wife Daisy (Elli Avrram) promptly catch a flight form their home in Los Angeles.  Adopted son Angad (Sahil Mehta) has a bit more trouble, and winds up stuck in Dubai for an extra day.  And nobody can get through to middle son Nakul (Abhishek Khan), who is off climbing a mountain somewhere.

Most of the family finally arrives, though there's still no sign of Nakul, and the preparations for the funeral rites begin, under the direction of busybody neighbor P.P. Singh (Ashish Vidyarthi).  And they bicker; Tara doesn't feel that the very traditional funeral rites are what her not especially traditional mother would have wanted.   Harish doesn't think his sons are taking the rites seriously enough.  P.P. Singh is just kind of patronizing.  And the Greek chorus of neighbors and friends of Gayatri marvel at the goings on; it's definitely sad, but not solemn, as good-hearted people bumble their way through personal loss, trying their best to make everything perfect because it's the only thing they can do.

And then things start to get better.  With the help of an unconventional pandit (Sunil Grover) the family start talking to each other rather than at each other.  Secrets are revealed, but they're generally nice secrets.  Tara and Harish start seeing things from one another's perspective, and Nakul finally shows up.

And that's it.  That's the plot.  People suffer a devastating loss, and they process it onscreen.  It's a very gentle film, very quirky, and above all very human, mixing moments of gentle comedy with Amitabh's big speech.  It's definitely worth a look if you want a change of pace.

No, you can't buy a vowel.

 In the Yama Cinematic Universe, the god Chitragupta is usually cast as Yama's comic sidekick, but he's an important religious figure in his own right, responsible for recording the good and bad deeds each person performs in life, and then judging them accordingly.  In Thank God (2022), Chitragupta takes center stage, but this time, he's cool.

Ayaan Kapoor (Siddharth Malhotra) was once a successful real estate agent who became briefly rich by dabbling in black money, then lost it all during the demonetisation of 2016.  Now, he's struggling to sell his own house. Fortunately, his wife Ruhi (Rakul Preet Singh) is a successful police officer, but Ayaan is so consumed by his losses and stressed over the sale of the house that he's neglecting Ruhi, their daughter Pihu (Kirara Khanna) and his mother (Seema Pahwa).  His relationship with his sister (Urmilla Kanetkar Kathore) is also a bit tense; she's been pouring all her energy and money into rebuilding the family home, because she blames herself for the fire which destroyed it when she and Aayan were children.

After another failed attempt to sell the house (it turns out that locking the potential buyers' son in the bathroom is a bad idea) Ayaan is driving away while bickering with Ruhi on the phone (another bad idea) when he has to swerve to avoid a motorcycle and instead hits another car.  And just like that, he's in Heaven, greeted by Yamdoot (Mahesh Balraj) and a mysterious figure calling himself CG (Ajay Devgn).

CG explains the situation: Ayaan is in critical condition, caught between life and death.  he has to compete in CG's game show and demonstrate that he has overcome his weaknesses; if he succeeds at a challenge, he earns white balls, and if he fails he gets black ones.  Earn more white and he can return to his life, but if he fails, he'll be immediately consigned to Hell.

And the game goers about as well as you'd expect.  Ayaan continues to demonstrate that he has absolutely not overcome his weaknesses, and CG is playing a deeper game than he lets on; all of the tests start to fit together, revealing the harm caused by Ayaan's selfish actions.  It all leads to one final test, one chance for Ayaan to redeem himself, and because he doesn't notice the test when offered, he fails.

Which isn't the end of the movie, obviously; this is a feel good family comedy with a message, and while a happy ending isn't guaranteed, it's pretty likely.  It's a redemption story, A Christmas Carol without the Christmas, Going Postal without the golems.  It's the story of one man learning how connected everything is, and that his actions have consequences for other people.

Thank God is probably not a very good movie, honestly.  It's predictable, the humor is hit and miss, the tone is wildly inconsistent, and the medical science in the climax is complete nonsense even by Bollywood standards.  Still, Devgn is consistently entertaining, and Malhotra manages to be likeable despite playing a complete jerk.  It's earnestly bad in the same way as many Bollywood comedies of the Nineties, so if you liked them, there's a decent chance you'll like this.