Bhooty Call: Bhoothnath

 Bhoothnath (2008) is a movie of two parts.  The film opens with the classic Bollywood haunted house scenario.  Aditya (Shah Rukh Khan) and Anjali (Juhi Chawla) are an attractive and modern young couple who have just moved in to a house on the outskirts of Goa with their young son Banku (Aman Siddiqui).  It's only when they move in that they realize that the house is supposed to be haunted, though the audience has already glimpsed the ghost driving people away.

As is typical in these films, Aditya has a job that takes him out of town; he's the chief engineer on a cruise ship, and he promptly sails away, leaving Anjali to deal with Banku, an oversized house with a very dangerous staircase, and Anthony (Rajpal Yadav), the alcoholic homeless man who used to squat there. She's already overwhelmed just getting the place cleaned when nobody is willing to work there, and that's before she realizes that Banku has a new invisible friend.

But this isn't a horror movie, it's a children's movie about a boy and his magical friend, so the ghost isn't a threat.  Banku manages to out-prank Bhoothnath, the spirit of Kailash Nath (Amitabh Bachchan) in short order, and after the requisite fall down the stairs the two become fast friends.  Which is good, because someone has to help Anjali with the house, as well as Banku's mean principal (Satish Shah) and classroom frenemy Jojo (Devandra).

It's all very by the numbers, though during the school sports day Bhoothnath refuses to use his ghostly powers to help Banku beat Jojo, instead encouraging the boy to work harder for what he wants.  Bhoothnath is full of good advice, actually, much of it revolving around forgiveness.  He helps the boy make peace with Jojo, then reconcile with Anjali after the mother and son have a nasty argument.

And that's when Vijay Nath (Priyanshu Chatterjee) returns to Goa.  Vijay is Kailash's son, and he's here to sell the family home; he's not a monster, and is quite happy to find Aditya and Anjali another place to live, but Banku doesn't want to go, and Bhoothnath absolutely refuses to lose his new family.

Normally this kind of problem is resolved through magical pranks, but the movie has already gone to great lengths to set up the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation.  Aditya returns, because it's time for the movie to enter its second part, as the senior actors all earn their keep with an emotional story about death and moving on.  The second part is pretty solid; it's a very filmi and melodramatic story, and well within the respective skill sets of Bachchan, Chawla and Khan, but it's a heck of a tonal shift, and Banku and the more comic actors like Satish Shah and Rajpal Yadav either fade into the background or vanish entirely.

Whether the movie is a children's fantasy or an emotional melodrama, though, one thing remains consistent: it is not scary at any point.  Some of the trappings of horror appear, but it's a story about family dynamics in a large but surprisingly cozy house.  They really need to do something about those stairs, though.

Lootere

 Lootere (1993) was one of three movies starring Juhi Chawla and Sunny Deol that came out in 1993.  The most famous of these movies was Darr, the movie in which Sunny Deol was so comprehensively out-charismad by plucky newcomer Shah Rukh Khan that audiences cheered for the bad guy and Khan and Chawla went on to star in a long series of romantic comedies together.  Shah Rukh isn't in Lootere, though, so let's see how Deol fares this time.

Things start on a grim note, with police officer Karan (Deol) having a nightmare about a woman named Anjali (Chawla) being thrown off a cliff by a gang of thugs.  Karan is working in a secluded rural area now, but Bombay's police commissioner (Subbiraj) drops by to deliver useful exposition, though only after "testing" Karan by faking a  bloody attack on the police station.  In short, Karan was supposed to be protecting Anjali from a crimelord named Chengez Lala (the usually cuddly Anupam Kher, playing very much against type.)  He failed, and Lala used his influence to have Karan transferred away from the city, but that's over now; Karan is going back to Bombay.

The commissioner encourages Karan to pursue his revenge rather than waste time doing actual police work, and offers the full resources of the department, but all Karan wants is his friend and former partner Ali (Chunkey Pandey.)  Ali has quit the force and is now running some sort of illegal bar, but Karan gives an inspiring speech and the partners are ready to begin their quest.  Step one: an extended flashback.

As the flashback begins, Lala has murdered a police officer at a party he was throwing, attended by some of Bombay's most respectable citizens, and the only person present who really reacts is bar singer Anjali.  She places a call to the police, offering to act as an eye witness, and Karan and Ali are assigned to bring her to the station.  They do, after rescuing her from the middle of a musical number and escaping via horse drawn carriage for some inexplicable reason.  That works about as well as you would expect, especially when the bad guys have cars and motorcycles, but Karan is very, very good at punching people, and they reach the station safely.

Anjali is terrified and wants to recant.  Karan convinces her to stand firm by bringing in the officer's widow and son and telling Anjali to explain to them why she won't testify.  She's placed in a safehouse, but Lala's men kill everyone there except Anjali, hoping to intimidate her into staying silent rather than solving their problem then and there.  

The city isn't safe, so Karan takes her to a secluded cabin in the mountains.  They have twenty four days until the trial, and so the attractive and spirited woman and the brave, pushy and kind of annoying man get to know each other, argue, and inevitably fall in love.

Lala has his men searching the city to find the woman that he should have killed when he had the chance.  Well, most of them.  His henchman Sikander (Naseeruddin Shah), at once the coolest, most effective, and most loyal of his men, appears at the party and then vanishes from the movie entirely.  He may be offscreen canoodling with Lala's sister Devyani (Pooja Bedi.)  

Meanwhile, up on the mountain, Karan asks Anjali to marry him.  She accepts, and he calls Ali at the police station to give him the happy news and invite him to be a witness.  he also tells Ali exactly where and when they'll be, which is a mistake, since there is a mole at the police station who was listening in on the phone conversation and immediately called Lala, blurting out the address before Ali could stop him.  So Lala's men show up, Anjali is tossed off the cliff, Karan is brutally beaten by henchmen who attack him all at once rather than one at a time, and the flashback ends.

Back in the present, Karan is planning his revenge, since that's the only thing he has left to live for.  At least until he and Ali drive past a temple and he sees Anjali, very much alive.  he gives chase, only to be interrupted by Sikander.  Karan knows she's alive, and Ali is willing to support his friend no matter what, and so they set out to gather information by means of a wacky scheme involving Ali dressing up as a German woman.  This isn't funny, and it's a seismic shift in tone, but at least it doesn't last long.

Anjali is indeed alive.  She survived the fall, and Lala decided to keep her alive rather than finally killing the woman who could put him in prison because . . . I don't know.  Some nonsense about death being too merciful.  Instead he hands her over to Sikander, encouraging his henchman to do whatever he wants with her.  but while Sikander is a killer and a drunk and a thug, he's not a rapist, so what he wants to do is keep Anjali safe, even thrashing some of his fellow goons who try to take advantage of her.  Anjali slowly grows to trust Sikander, and he begins to change for the better through her influence.  But he can't let her go, and he does not want Karan to take away the only person who treats him as a human being rather than an instrument of violence.

Like a lot of early Juhi Chawla characters, it is Anjali's role in life to suffer nobly; this movie came out in 1993, before Bollywood discovered that Juhi Chawla is really funny.  Despite that, Anjali is the real hero here; she's anything but fearless, but even when terrified out of her mind she stands her ground.  Karan does all the punching, but basically every victory in the movie is thanks to Anjali's courage.  It's really rare to see a female character of the era display so much agency, let alone drive the entire plot.

Karan can't help but be a little overshadowed.  There's just not much to the part; he's a pretty typical action hero of the era.  He's brave, prone to violence and solemn speeches, and he somehow manages to woo the heroine by annoying her, but there's nothing surprising about him.  Sunny Deol does his best, but he doesn't have much to work with.

And then there's acclaimed actor Naseeruddin Shah, who injects tremendous depth into the role of Henchman Number One.  Sikander is deeply flawed but very complex, and he has an actual character arc, which is more than the film's hero gets.  Sorry, Sunny.

What I say three times is true.

Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla rose to stardom thanks to their performance as star-crossed lovers in Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak,  and they spent much of their early careers playing opposite each other as star-crossed lovers.  Love Love Love (1989) is one of those movies.

Perennial bad guy Gulshan Grover plays Vicky, son of local Don Sudhir Bhai (Raza Murad).  Vicky behaves like the wicked prince in a fairy story; he's tremendously entitled, cruel for cruelty's sake, and he does not think things through.  In theory, Vicky is a college student, and he introduced himself as "The Don of the college," but he spends most of his time going into dance clubs and humiliating everyone who annoys him.  (Grover was thirty four when this move came out, and he looks it.)  naturally, Vicky has a small coterie of sidekicks and hangers on, the most important being his girlfriend Reema (Juhi Chawla) and her brother Mahesh (Anand Balraj).  

Reema is visibly annoyed by Vicky's casual cruelty, but she never does anything about it.  And then one night, as Vicky and the gang are mugging an old man for money to buy a VCR (they can easily afford it, but Vicky gets bored if an activity doesn't involve hurting people) they are interrupted by good Samaritan Amit (Aamir Khan), who studies at the same college.  Vicky is obviously furious, but Reema is delighted, even if she still doesn't do anything about it.

And then . . .  well, it's Eighties Bollywood, so the romance is going to be weird for a while.  Vicky and his goons steal Amit's new bike, ride it around the campus (this time Reema is an active participant) and then destroy it in front of him.  (Reema did not participate in that part.)  Amit bumps into Reema at a disco and forces her to dance with him, which is seriously not cool.  Vicky arrives and makes some threats, and it's all kind of pointless because the actual plot hasn't kicked off yet.

The college principal (Chandrashekhar) selects Amit and Reema to represent he college at a quiz competition in Delhi.  He also insists that they travel by train together, unsupervised, in order to build team spirit.  That gives the young soon-to-be star crossed lovers a chance to get to know one another on equal terms, without either one coming across as a creep.  There's definitely a spark there.

Reema and Amit return victorious to Mumbai, and their classmates pressure Amit to hold a party the tiny house where he lives with his taxi driver father (Dalip Tahil).   Reema promises to come, but she literally cannot get away.  During the next attempted date she has to attend a boring cocktail party with her father (Om Shivpuri) and Vicky's father.  Amit tries to arrange more dates, and she never manages to show up, leaving his friends to darkly mutter that "rich girls can't be trusted."  

Finally Reema manages to sneak away long enough to meet Amit at the Disco Dandiya, and they declare their love for one another.  Amit and Reema make a plan to secretly meet every morning while jogging, And then Reema ruins everything by telling Vicky and her father that she's been meeting Amit, which leads to more threats, more beatings, and Vicky's terrifying father meeting Amit's father to make threats.  Amit is a dutiful son, so he agrees to leave Reema and go away when his father asks him to.

Reema is sad for a while, then she takes the initiative and tracks Amit down, leading to more happy dancing and frolicking.  Sudhir Bhai is forced to elevate his threats - either Reema agrees to marry Vicky, or he will have Amit killed; the fact that he makes this threat as they watch one of his goons try to run Amit over makes it especially convincing, so Reema agrees.

And then Vicky ruins everything, because he does not think things through.  He makes a point of taking Reema with him to deliver a wedding invitation and to invite Amit to attend Reema's birthday party, where the engagement will be formally announced.  The evil plan is to insult Amit so much that he doesn't even think of approaching Reema ever again, and Vicky and his friends are a bit mean, but the Reema publicly sings about her love for Amit to the tune of "It's A Sin" by the Pet Shop Boys, dances with Amit in front of everyone, and ends by kissing him on the lips, which is humiliation stacked on humiliation for Vicky.  The good guys escape, the bad guys are out for blood, and it all leads to a climactic showdown in an unlicensed Disney theme park.

There's a reason why I started by talking about Vicky rather than the actual protagonists.  He's a much bigger presence in the film than the usual unsuitable suitor.  That's an interesting choice, and it would be more effective if Vicky weren't so cartoonishly evil.  He starts chewing the scenery the moment he appears on screen, nearly every line is delivered with a snarl, and because he starts by threatening violence the moment he's thwarted in any way, he really doesn't have much room to escalate.  Gulshan Grover is great at playing scenery chewing villains, but this movie gives him more scenery to chew than usual, and it's a bit of a struggle for him to get through it all.

Aamir and Juhi have a bit more to work with, especially Juhi.  Reema has to walk a careful tightrope at the beginning, because she needs to be at least somewhat complicit in Vicky's bad deeds without becoming totally unlikable.  Reema also has more agency than a lot of the Bollywood heroines of this era, and even gets to join in on the last fight scene.  Amit is a more solid and traditional character, but he gets plenty of chance for heroic speeches and noble self sacrifice.

All that said, this is Eighties Bollywood, and it does showcase some of the flaws of that era.  The incidental music is largely lifted from western movies, with the Star Wars theme playing at key points and a chase scene accompanied by the music from Chariots of Fire.  The movie is set at a college campus where nobody ever goes to class.  The plot goes around and around in circles, especially as the film approaches the climax.  And unfortunately Vicky does end the movie threatening to rape Reema, which is a jarring shift in tone form the rest of the movie, making those scenes grimy and horrible, rather than the fun melodramatic romp it had been up to that point.

On the other hand, the hero's sister makes it through the entire movie without anything terrible happening to her, and Bob Christo, one of my favorite Bollywood henchmen, makes a brief cameo as an assassin named Bob.

There's certainly less police brutality than in Singham.

Long time readers will know that I have a theory about film: any any premise can be turned into a comedy by adding the words "Wackiness ensues" to the description.  In the case of Son of Sardaar (2012), wackiness ensues when a man seeks to escape a murderous blood feud by hiding out in the house of his family's sworn enemies.

Jassi Randhawa (Ajay Devgn) is the titular Son of Sardaar, a freespirited Punjabi man now living a carefree life in London.  The opening musical number and subsequent fight scene serve to establish the important facts about his character in a hurry: he is serious about his culture and faith, he tells terrible jokes, he believes in peace but is very good at beating people up, and he is best friends with Pathan (Salman Khan), who will not be sticking around for the rest of the movie.  

 Jassi receives a letter informing him that his late father left him some land back home in India, which the government would like to buy.  Before Jassi leaves, though, Pathan's father delivers some important exposition: the Randhava family had been involved in a brutal blood feud with the neighboring Sandhus, Jassi's father was killed by the Sandhus, but killed their family head in the process, and the Sandhus will not rest until the Randhavas have been wiped out entirely.  Jassi laughs it off.  It's been twenty five years, and surely the Sandhus have forgotten the whole blood feud business by now.

Meanwhile, in India, a quick scene with the Sandhus establishes the important facts about their family: they have not forgotten the whole blood feud business, current family head Billu (Sanjay Dutt) has vowed not to marry his beloved Pammi (Juhi Chawla) until Jassi has been killed, Billu is terrifyingly good at beating people up, and the family takes the laws of hospitality very seriously.  They won't harm a guest while they are in the house no matter how much they deserve it, but the moment they step out, they are fair game.  Still, they are a nice family apart from the bouts of violence.

On the train to Punjab, Jassi meets Sukh (Sonakshi Sinha), and is immediately smitten.  She is at least somewhat amused by his antics, so there's a chance there.  Naturally, Sukh is actually Billu's (much) younger cousin, but the pair are separated before either of them can figure out the connection.

Jassi gets a ride from Billu's brother Tony (Mukul Dev.)  Tony does figure out Jassi's identity, but by that time Jassi has gone on his way, and all of Tony's repeated murder attempts end in cheap slapstick and an oblivious Jassi wandering off.  Jassi meets Billu and is invited to the family home, and it is only after he is safely inside that Tony manages to tell Billu who Jassi is, and Jassi figures out where he is.

Drama is all about conflict, and there's a clear conflict here.  Billu wants to kill Jassi and fulfill his oath and finally marry Pammi, but he can't as long as Jassi is in the house.  Jassi would like to not be murdered, and would also like to put an end to the feud if at all possible and while he's making a wishlist, marrying Sukh would be pretty great as well, so he needs to stay in the house, whether that means faking an injury or charming the members of the family who don't actively want to kill him yet.  And Pammi and Sukh are both active characters with their own goals that they work toward; granted, in both cases that goal is "Find a way to marry the man I love," but they actively pursue that goal instead of waiting around as a prize to be won.

Except the movie is not a drama, it's a strange genre hybrid, a blood-soaked revenge farce.  The tone is consistent throughout - even the flashback to the murderfest of twenty five years ago has a pretty good sight gag - but it's distracting.  The brain has to reconcile the slapstick comedy and light romance with Sanjay Dutt the lovable goofball with a dozen men with swords camped out to kill our hero the moment he steps outside.

Still, a movie can coast a long way on charm, and this movie has a great cast with charm to spare.  Sonakshi Sinha has spunk, Ajay Devgn manages to be both funny and badass, Sanjay Dutt has Munnabhai-like charm while being considerably more bloodthirsty than he was as Munnabhai, and Juhi Chawla is, well, Juhi Chawla.  And "Don't waste your life on a pointless blood feud, even if you took a vow" is something we all need to be reminded of every now and then.

A role that's so nice, they cast it twice.

 When Bollywood legend Rishi Kapoor died in 2020, shooting for his last film, Sharmaji Namkeen (2022) was still incomplete.  Rather than scrap the movie, the producers considered a number of frankly terrible ideas such as creating a CGI Rishi Kapoor or putting Kapoor's son Ranbir in prosthetics to play the part, but instead veteran character actor Paresh Rawal stepped in to complete the missing scenes.  The end result is a movie with two leading men both playing the same role, and it works better than you might think.

Our hero is Brij Gopal Sharma (Kapoor and Rawal), who has just been forced to take early retirement from the kitchen appliance company where he worked.  Sharma is not cut out for sitting at home and watching TV, so after driving the entire neighborhood crazy with home improvement projects, he spends some time bouncing from hobby to hobby and job interview to job interview.  His only real passion is cooking, but when he suggests opening up a small stall, his older son Rinku (Suhail Nayyar) shuts down the idea immediately; it's not a respectable position for someone of their social class.

However, when his old friend Chadda (Satish Kaushik) asls him to cook for a relative's religious function, Sharma agrees.  he cooks wonderfully, the people are all nice, everything is great . . . until Sharma catches a glimpse of the guests and realizes that he's not cooking for a religious function, he's cooking for a kitty party!  (A kitty party is a mostly Indian tradition, one part social outing and one part savings club, in which a group of (usually) women pool money in a "kitty", and then they take turns every month using the money to host a party for the group.)

Sharma is horrified, leaves immediately, and makes polite excuses whenever the women call him and try to hire him again.  But it was nice to have something to do, and even nicer to be treated with respect.  And he's intrigued by one of the women in the group, the beautiful, sophisticated, and widowed Veena (Juhi Chawla.)  So he goes back again.  And again.  Soon he's a fixture at the kitty parties, but he's still careful to keep his new career secret from his family and friends.

Sharma's not the only one keeping secrets.  Younger son Vincy (Taaruk Raina) has been focused on his dream of dancing, and has failed his college exams.  And Rinku is in a relationship with coworker Urmi (Isha Talwar).  They're practically engaged, and Rinku has already made a large down payment on an apartment, but the corrupt developer seems intent on keeping the money without letting the young couple move in.  Everybody's tired, and everybody's stressed.  And then a family friend finds footage of Sharma dancing at a kitty party on Facebook.

This is a very Rishi Kapoor movie. The man was a versatile actor, and he's put in some strong performances in a variety of roles, but even before he aged out of playing romantic leads his public image has always been cuddly and avuncular.  Sharmaji Namkeen has a charming, cozy ambiance that plays into that image.  There's conflict, but it's mostly conflict between people who love each other, and we know they'll make it work in the end.  The closest the movie gets to social controversy is its portrayal of kitty parties as a space where women can express themselves without worrying about their assigned societal roles.

It takes a little while to get used to the dual lead actors alternating scenes, but it's not as distracting as you might think.  It helps that Paresh Rawal doesn't look very much like Rishi Kapoor and isn't trying to do any sort of Rishi Kapoor impression, he's just  playing to the emotional truth of the character in his own fashion, a bit less cuddly and a bit more exasperated.  It lets Kapoor and Rawal fade into the background and lets Sharma take center stage.

This is not a groundbreaking movie, but it's a fun and comfortable movie, and casting Juhi Chawla as the female romantic lead in a new movie will always get bonus points from me.

Turns out a serpent's tooth is also pretty sharp.

Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, Mansoor Khan's story of star-crossed young lovers, was a huge success, launching Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla into stardom.  Naturally, Bollywood producers set about trying to recreate the magic, and Khan and Chawla were cast in a number of films about young lovers with varying degrees of star-crossedness.  Results were . . . mixed.  Tum Mere Ho (1990), for instance, is notoriously bad.  On the other hand, it's a schmaltzy melodrama with Juhi Chawla, an angry naga, and black magicand I like all those things, so if anybody's going to like the movie, it'll be me.  Let's dig in.

When wealthy Thakur Choudhary (Sudhir Pandey) catches sight of a Naagmani (a magical gem set in a cobra's head) he is consumed by a Tolkeinian desire to possess it, so he kills the snake.  Unfortunately, the snake's mother (Kalpana Iyer) is nearby.  Choudhary pleads for mercy, telling her he was blinded by greed when he casually murdered her son, but for some reason she is not impressed.  She vows revenge, and later bites Choudhary's four year old son, apparently killing the boy.  The parents sadly set the body adrift on the river, while the angry snake watches.

I say that the boy was "apparently killed, because he's pulled from the river by Baba (possibly Ishrat Ali, but the IMDB entry isn't really clear), a kindly snake charmer and black magician.  Baba draws the poison out of the boy's body using his magical powers, then decides to raise him as his on son and apprentice, because, hey, free son!  he names the boy Shiva, and by the time Shiva has grown up to be played by Aamir Khan, he has mastered both his adopted father's crafts.

 

While performing at a village fair, Shiva catches a glimpse of Paro (Juhi Chawla), daughter of the wealthy and powerful Choudhry Charanjit Singh (Ajit Vachani).  Shiva is immediately smitten, and surprisingly, so is Paro!  When they meet later, she asks him to sjhow her his snake-charming technique, and soon they're wandering the hills together, singing about love and occasionally getting caught in the rain.

 

It can't last.  When Paro's father finds out, he hires another black magician (Anirudh Agarwal) to deal with the upstart.  Shiva easily wins the magical duel, so Singh decides on a more direct approacjh; he gathers a band of ruffians and has them beat up Shiva, but before he can shoot the boy, Baba arrives and pleads for his son's life, promising that he won't come around Paro anymore.

 

When Paro finds out about the beating and attempted murder, she's furious and confronts her father, but her mother takes her aside and explains just how starcrossed she actually is.  It's not just that Shiva is a poor traveler and therefore not husband material; Paro's marriage has already been arranged.  In fact, she's already married, and has been since they were small children.  In fact, she's already a widow, since her husband was bitten by a snake and died soon after the wedding.  (And at this point you've probably already figured out how the story will end.) In fact, in a few days Paro will go to her in-laws home to live out the rest of her days in miserable solitude as a widow, because there's no possible way she could ever remarry.  Paro agrees that this is completely logical, and meets Shiva one last time.  She pretends that she never loved him, he lashes out angrily, and stalks off, apparently never to return.  Paro makes the sad journey to her in-laws' home, content that at least Shiva will be safe.

 

Of course, Shiva discovers that she lied and really does love him almost immediately, so he convinces Baba to move the entire band north, ostensibly in search of better snakes, but mostly so that he can stalk Paro.  He hangs around outside her house, playing snake charming music, hoping to draw her out.  It works.  Shiva suggests that maybe Paro shouldn't have to spend her whole life alone and miserable because of a marriage that she didn't consent to and wasn't even told about for years.  Paro is torn. She really does love Shiva, but nothing has really changed, and they still can't be together without leaving everything behind.

And then there's the angry snake lady.  When she discovers that the boy she bit all those years ago is still alive, she tries to finish the job, but Shiva is a powerful magician, so she can't get to him.  Paro, however, is not so well protected . . .

First things first. This movie is a product of the late eighties/early nineties Bollywood film industry, which means that the treatment of women is pretty bad.  Paro in particular is seemingly born to suffer, and she's betrayed and abused at various points in the film by pretty much everybody she loves, and that does include Shiva.  In the end everyone is forgiven because this is late eighties/early nineties Bollywood and the family unit must be preserved at all costs, but that doesn't make it okay.

On the other hand, Paro has a surprising amount of agency for a heroine of the period.  Shiva doesn't rescue her from her dismal life as a widow, he convinces her to rescue herself, and it's not a decision that comes quickly or easily.  Paro makes a choice, and it is definitely her choice.

Juhi does a fine job as the long-suffering Paro.  Snake movies are essentially a subgenre of supernatural melodrama, and they demand a kind of heightened reality in the performances.  Naturalistic acting wouldn't work at all.  Juhi commits, and so does Aamir; they are acting well for the genre of movie that they appear in.

So, does Tum Mere Ho deserve its bad reputation?  Maybe?  I'm pretty sure it's not a good movie.  It's dated, it's often silly, and it's certainly problematic, but I also found it compelling.  It really needs more snakes and a lot less suffering, though.

. . . is an ungrateful stepsibling.

David Dhawan is famous for directing a number of incredibly broad, incredibly formulaic comedies, often starring Govinda or the director's son, Varun Dhawan, and with further comic relief provided by some combination of Shakti Kapoor, Johny Lever, Kader Khan, and/or Paresh Rawal.  The movies are sometimes tasteless, predictably predictable, and irregularly funny, but when you watch a David Dhawan movie, you know what you're getting.  And then there is his first hit, Swarg (1990).  While Govinda and Paresh Rawal both have important roles, this is perhaps the least David Dhawany David Dhawan movie I have ever seen.

 Kumar (Rajesh Khanna) is a wealthy businessman with a large family, including his wife Janki (Madhavi) and much younger stepsiblings Ravi (Dilip Dhawan), Vikram (Raja Bundela), and Jyoti (Juhi Chawla), along with Ravi's wife Naina (Neena Gupta) and maybe Ravi and Naina have a son?  A kid shows up in a few scenes, but nobody ever really talks about him.  When his stepmother was dying, Kumar promised her that he would always take care of her children, and even took a vow that he would never have children of his own, a decision that I am sure will have no negative consequences.

And then there's Krishna (Govinda), the family servant.  Krishna was an orphan, taken in at a young age, and he views Kumar as a father, showing so much devotion that he;'s in danger of overdosing on filial piety.  Krishna is not a very good servant, but he is clever, loyal, and good at punching bad guys, skills which he puts to good use when rescuing Jyoti from a fate worse than death.  (It is nineties Bollywood, after all; you have to threaten the heroine with a fate worse than death at some point.)

 

In any case, it's a big, wonderful, loving family and everybody is so happy that they named the house "Swarg," because it is a heaven on Earth.  And then, Kumar wins the election to become president of the Mill Owners Association.  His predecessor Dhanraj (Paresh Rawal) is not happy, because he's been using the position to fill his own pockets for years, and he knows the scrupulously honest Kumar will not let the matter go.  Dhanraj sets out to ruin Kumar's happy home.

 

And he does!  It turns out that ruining people is surprisingly easy.  With the help of Nagpal (Bharat Kapoor), one of Kumar's employees, he manipulates Kumar into using the mansion as collateral to secure a large loan, a loan which becomes impossible to repay when the factory burns down.

Kumar is ruined overnight, and his stepbrothers reveal themselves to be selfish jerks who refuse to help the man who has supported them for so many years.  (Jyoti is played by Juhi Chawla and so remains virtuous.)  When Krishna has had enough and confronts them over their disloyalty, they frame him for stealing Jyoti's jewelry and he is thrown out of the house.  

 

Krishna travels to Bombay (the name won't officially change for another five years) and after a rough start, he meets a friend named Airport (Satish Kaushik), gets a job as a spot boy on a movie set, and accidentally becomes a rich and successful film star almost overnight.  Now that he has money and power and a loyal sidekick, Krishna returns home, determined to save his family, or at least avenge his fallen master.

Despite the different genre, David Dhawan still doesn't do subtle; this is drama rather than comedy, but it's still incredibly broad.  Dhanraj has two identifiable personality traits: he's evil, and he likes to remind people that he's from Gujurat.  Krishna is virtue personified.  Kumar is bound by his vow, and suffers nobly.  After the first half hour, nobody really has a chance to be funny, which is honestly a bit of a waste since half the cast have strong comedic chops; Juhi Chawla is right there, people!

 

The end result reminds me of a scaled down production of King Lear, swapping some of the play's cosmic nihilism for brightly colored dance numbers, because drama or no drama, Govinda is going to dance.  It's definitely not what I was expecting from David Dhawan.

Legal action!

 Bollywood is better known, but the Telugu film industry produces some of the most innovative and exciting films in India, often kicking off major cinematic trends for the subcontinent; Bollywood is still trying to make its own Baahubali, and many new Bollywood pictures are remakes of Tollywood films.  Tollywood has a reputation for films of epic scale and high quality . . . now.  Vicky Dada (1989) comes from a different time.

Vikram (Nagarjuna) is a young, idealistic law student.  He'd better be idealistic; his mother Srividya (Srividya), a judge, raised him to respect the law and seek justice whenever he can.  Vikram does have a bit of a temper, especially when his girlfriend Shyamlee (the incomparable Juhi Chawla) is threatrened.  But I'm sure this will have no negative consequences.

Shyamlee is called away to tend to her ailing sister in America.  Vikram graduates, and immediately begins work as a prosecutor.  His first case (tried in front of his mother, which is far from the worst conflict of interest in a courtroom scene in this movie) involves Savitri (Radha), who has been accused of prostitution.  Vikram wins easily, because he is good at lawyering, but when he realizes that Savitri was framed as part of a land grab masterminded by corrupt politician Ranganatha Rao (Ranganath), he pays her fine and uses his lawyering skills to stop the land grab.

Thwarted, Rao calls on crimelord Prabhakar (Tiger Prabhakar) for help.  Prabhakar sends his goons, one of them kills a guy, and Vikram vows to bring the killer to justice.  Prabhakhar uses his corrupt influence to threaten the eyewitnesses, and the goon is set free.  Vikram doesn't give up, though.  He and his sister, the plucky aspiring reporter Rekha (Vara Lakshmi), team up to find out more about him.  Unfortunately, Rekha decides to break into Prabhakar's evil lair and film him.  She's caught and kidnapped, but not before she mails a cassette tape to Vikram, revealing what's happened.

Vikram has Prabhakar arrested, and prosecutes the case.  (Again, in front of his mother, which also means that both the prosecutor and judge are related to the victim.  And yet that's still not the worst example of conflict of interest in the movie.)  Prabhakar gets off, thanks to some genuinely ridiculous legal trickery, and because Vikram was provoked into throttling the defense counsel, he's suspended.  Vikram declares that he doesn't want to be a lawyer anymore anyway, and runs off to become a violent (but stylish) vigilante.

Vigilante stuff happens.  Vikram and his dog wage war on Prabhakar's criminal empire, beating up vast quantities of henchmen and picking off the gang's lieutenants one by one, then using his lawyer skills to get off scot-free. Yes, I'm kind of glossing over the vigilante action, but the movie does as well, because surprise!  This is actually a romance!  Shyamlee returns from America and wants to continue their relationship, but Vikram dispenses justice on a freelance basis now, and feels he no longer has anything to offer her, so he pushes her away.  Savitri, meanwhile, has fallen hard for the man who has saved her so many times.  It's a good old fashioned love triangle, with occasional action scenes.

About halfway through Vicky Dada, I realized that it's probably not a very good movie.  The plot doesn't really make sense, the action scenes are enthusiastic but sloppy, the court scenes are enthusiastic but really sloppy, the dance numbers are phantasmagoric, and why does Prabhakhar have a jeep with an infinite number of rockets, anyway?  More seriously, the movie indulges in some of my least favorite eighties Indian movie tropes, particularly the hero's sister meeting a dire end in order to motivate the hero.

And yet, bad movie or not, I was glues to the screen the whole time.  Maybe it's the fantastic cast, who treated the wobbly material with a respect that it may or may not have deserved.  Maybe it's the sheer enthusiasm of the thing.  Maybe I just wanted to see what the hell the dancers would be wearing in the next number.  Whatever the reason, Vicky Dada is possibly bad but definitely watchable.

No, I mean it. Don't stand so close to me.

It's no secret that I love Juhi Chawla.  That's why I decided to watch Andaz (1994.)  Yes, it was directed by David Dhawan, who is known for incredibly broad and sometimes tasteless comedies and directs with all the subtlety and grace of a brick to the head, but it's a Juhi Chawla movie!  How bad could it be?

Ajay Saxena (Anil Kapoor) is a new teacher at the S. T. School, his alma mater, run by a kind, dedicated, and apparently nameless Principal (Kader Khan).  I think he teaches history, but it's hard to tell, because he spends most of the time dealing with the antics of his unruly students.  There are a lot of them, but only two are really important: Jaya (Karisma Kapoor) and Shagun (Shakti Kapoor).  Jaya is brilliant, talented, and an incorrigible prankster, while Shagun is the absolute worst. He actually attended school with Ajay but kept getting held back far past the point of plausibility, and now he is a lazy, surly, deeply annoying adult who expects special treatment from his old classmate and is angry when he doesn't get it.

During a school picnic, Ajay manages to win over his students the old-fashioned way, by beating up a terrorist in front of them.  (There's a whole terrorist subplot, but it's not that interesting and doesn't really become important until the climax.)  However, Shagun was not on the picnic, since Ajay had suspended him for being the worst, so he is not won over.  Shagun takes his revenge by planting fake love notes which are supposedly from Jaya, and when Ajay "returns" them to her, she thinks they are love notes from the teacher.  Before the confusion can be cleared up, rumors are flying all around the school, and even some of the other teachers join in mocking and harassing the unfortunate pair.

Despite being the worst, Shagun eventually confesses, and Ajay and Jaya apologize to one another.  She suggests that, since their reputations are already ruined, they should go ahead and get married.  Ajay is rightly horrified by the idea (and so am I.  What the hell, movie!) but Jaya is persistent.  She leaves the hostel and takes a room next door to his house, and becomes such a nuisance that Ajay leaves home.

He comes back with his new wife, Saraswati (Juhi Chawla, finally!), a local orphan.  He married Saraswati in a hurry, not realizing that she can't speak English, can't sing, can't cook, and can barely read; at the orphanage they taught her to just smile and say yes when her husband asks her something she doesn't understand, and Ajay is apparently bad at asking follow up questions.  Fortunately for her, Jaya is there to teach her everything she needs to know, and the two women quickly become very close.

(As an aside, while she's poorly educated, Saraswati does seem to have a natural talent for the marital arts, since she and Ajay spend an awful lot of time canoodling.  Like a lot of Bollywood movies of the time, the film cuts to a song whenever the characters are about to get frisky, but in Andaz the lyrics are unusually filthy; nothing actually explicit, but there are many references to trains and overheating engines and banging on the door.)

The plot makes it sound like Andaz is a psychological thriller about a man whose life is torn apart by a deranged stalker, but no.  This is a romantic comedy.  Jaya is presented as a wonderful, loving person who's determined to land her man, and as the perfect romantic partner for Ajay, if it weren't for that pesky "under-aged student" thing.  Karisma Kapoor was twenty when this movie came out, but she's very clearly playing younger here, with glasses, pigtails, a breathy little girl voice, and some very short skirts.  It's creepy.

But even setting aside the creep factor, the movie is a slog.  The students are supposed to be charming scamps, but they come across as sadistic jerks.  Every second that Shakti Kapoor is onscreen is excruciating.  The terrorist subplot provides the occasional bit of dramatic relief, an escape from the oppressive comedy, but the action scenes are not that interesting and drag on too long.

And Juhi?  She's fine.  "Uneducated but spunky village belle" is a stock part that she plays really well, but I can see her play that part in better movies than this one.

I was kind of expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla got their big break  in Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, so the producers of Daulat Ki Jung (1992) don't waste much time in establishing the premise of the movie; they assume the audience is already familiar with Khan and Chawla as star-crossed lovers kept apart by their feuding families.  The two houses both alike in dignity are headed by Bhushan Chaudhry (Shafi Inamdar) and Mr. Agarwal (Tiku Talsania.)  The feuding fathers are rival builders, both attempting to conclude a shady real estate deal with Haribhai (Paresh Rawal.)

Their children, Rajesh (Khan) and Asha (Chawla) attend the same college, and they are secretly already in love.  Everything is fine until the young lovers are cast as young lovers in the school play, and Asha's father Agarwal happens to attend the performance.  He is instantly (and correctly) convinced that the pair are really in love, so he hires a goon named Zorro to keep the pair apart.  Zorro fails, because he's an idiot who can't help playing with his suspenders whenever he's on screen.

The next step is to lock Asha in her room, which prompts Rajesh to rescue her.  The two drive off in search of the nearest temple so they can get married, and that is where the plot starts to go off the rails.  They run into a wounded man on a motorcycle (literally), and while taking him to the hospital are surrounded by a motorcycle gang led by Rana (Kiran Kumar.)  The bikers are in search of a treasure map, and since the wounded man has conveniently died,  they are convinced that the young lovers have it.  Asha finds the map, and Rajesh memorizes it (it's established early in the film that he has an eidetic memory) and eats it, forcing the bikers to keep the pair alive if they want to find the treasure.

And the plot goes a little further off the rails when it turns out that there are two criminal gangs, also both alike in dignity, looking for the treasure.  The other gang is led by Mike (Dalip Tahil), and the two gangs are about to start killing each other when they are interrupted by K.K. (Kader Khan), an eccentric assassin who sleeps in a coffin pulled by a donkey.  K.K. invites himself along on the treasure hunt, and by the time the little group stumbles across a tribal village filled with ridiculous stereotypes, the plot has left the tracks behind and is running screaming into the sunset.

I'm not sure what to make of Daulat Ki Jung.  It's definitely a movie, in which events occur and dialogue is spoken.  The early part of the movie is rather charming; Rajesh and Asha are surprisingly level-headed for star-crossed lovers, and the school play makes some amusing references to Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak.  At its best, the rest of the movie is pleasantly unhinged, with Kader Khan in particular infusing a great deal of charisma into a very silly role.  But the tribal stuff is just embarrassing, with ooga booga gibberish dialogue and the threat of human sacrifice, which is thwarted by a combination of Asha dancing and the men exploiting primitive superstition.  I've seen more nuanced portrayals of tribal life in old Tarzan movies.

Tribal nonsense aside, the things that happen are at least interesting, but by the end I was greeting each new plot twist with a hearty "Sure.  Why not."  Still, in the end, this is absolutely a movie that I have seen.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth . . .

Bhagyawan (1994) has an unusually ornate plot, even for the early Nineties.  As the film opens, hard-working factory worker and family man Dhamraj (Pran) returns home from work only to discover that his sister Pushpa (Rubina) is pregnant.  When Dhamraj learns that the father is his boss Hira (Ranjeet), he's furious.  He drags Pushpa to Hira's house and demands that Hira do the honorable thing.  Hira laughs in his face, Pushpa throws herself in front of a bus (spattering her brother with unconvincing blood), and Dhamraj and Hira both swear eternal vengeance on one another.  Unfortunately Hira is a bit better positioned to carry out his vengeance; soon Dhamraj is penniless and out of work.  He's so desperate that he decides to poison himself and his family, but before he can carry out the plan, an adorable orphan steals the poisoned food.  Dhamraj chases the kid down and destroys the food, and in the process discovers a winning lottery ticket.  He decides to adopt the obviously lucky kid, and that's all in the first ten minutes or so of the movie.

Twenty years later, Dhamraj owns a successful chemical business, while the orphan has grown into Amar (Govinda), an incorruptible police officer, devoted son, and fantastic dancer.  Dhamraj's wife Savitri (Asha Parekh) is eager to marry Amar off, but he's not really interested in anyone . . . until he meets Geeta (Juhi Chawla), a quick-witted con artist and part-time Robin Hood who cares for a band of orphans with the help of her partner Jhoney (Johny Lever.)  They meet, they fall in love, they get married, then he brings her home to meet the parents.

Unfortunately, Dhamraj's other children are not as nice.  Widowed daughter-in-law Renu (Aruna Irani) is mostly petty, cynical and greedy in ways which do not impact the plot, but oldest son Vishwas (Kirti Kumar) is embezzling from the family business, spurred on by his equally terrible wife Alka (Sripradha), who has a dark secret of her own.  Youngest son Kishan (Suraj Chaddha) is really just an amiable idiot, but he's in love with Radha (Shobha Singh), and the crazy kids decide to fake a pregnancy in order to convince her father to allow them to marry.  Unfortunately, her father is Hira, and when Hira visits Dhamraj's house in order to arrange the marriage . . . things don't go well.  And Hira is still much better at the vengeance thing.

And from this point on, the movie is basically King Lear.  Amar's forthright nature (and propensity for stupid vows) gets him kicked out of the house, while Hira exploits the other siblings' worst character traits in order to bring ruin to Dhamraj's home.  Fortunately, this is still Bollywood, which is known for its wild swings in tone and genre, which means a happy ending is still a possibility.  (You'd think having a skilled con artist in the family would be useful, but no, most problems are solved by Amar punching people.)

Bhagyawan is very much a product of the early Nineties.  The plot is much more complicated than it needs to be, the tone shifts back and forth with all the vigor of an inflatable tune man in front of a car dealership, and the action scenes are trying desperately to be like a Jackie Chan movie without Jackie Chan.  Still, the movie stars a number of actors that I quite like, and also Govinda.  Pran is particularly well cast, giving the part of embattled patriarch a solemn dignity and a playful spark.  Juhi Chawla is splendid as the cheery con artist, and frankly a bit wasted as the dutiful daughter in law.  And Johny Lever is relatively restrained here; there's some of his trademark mugging for the camera during some of the early con artist scenes, but Juhi is mugging right along with him, and later in the film he's just a loyal and surprisingly helpful friend.  The movie is reasonably entertaining in its own right, but perhaps more interesting as a look into Bollywood's past.

You know, for kids.

I have very eclectic tastes when it comes to Indian cinema, but I have to admit I've got a  soft spot for the Bollywood romantic comedies of the nineties and early oughts. They really don't make them like that any more, but luckily for me, they made a lot of them like that at the time, and I've got a backlog of movies I haven't seen yet. I can scratch Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke (1993) off the list. 

After the death of his sister, Rahul Malhotra (Aamir Khan) has taken charge of both the family garment factory and her three children, Vicky (Shahrokh Barucha), Sunny (Khunal Khemu, who years later went on to co-write and star in the slacker zombie comedy Go Goa Gone), and Muni (Baby Ashrafa).  Rahul is basically a good guy who's trying his best in a difficult situation, and the kids are little hooligans, who keep pelting the servants with eggs.  Clearly Rahul needs help, and he's not going to get it from Maya (Navneet Nishan), an old college friend who clearly would like to be more, but doesn't want to deal with the children.

Across town, Vaijanti Iyer (Juhi Chawla) has her own problems.  Her traditional Brahmin father (K. D. Chandran) is determined to marry her off to someone of her own caste, but the best he's been able to find is an oily dancer (Veeru Krishnan), to whom she takes an instant dislike.  Vaijanti runs away and hides out in a nearby fair.  Meanwhile, Rahul's charges have also crept out of the house to go to the fair.  They meet Vaijanti, and after some hijinks, the theft of a harmonica, and an impromptu musical number, they become fast friends. 

Since Vaijanti has nowhere else to go, the children decide to sneak her into the house, without telling Uncle Rahul.  Now you may think you know where this plot is going, but you are completely correct.  There are humorous misunderstandings galore, followed by valuable life lessons and our young attractive protagonists falling in love and not bothering to say anything.

Meanwhile, cartoonishly evil businessman Bijlani (Dalip Tahil) has placed an order for 100,000 shirts, an order which Rahul's late brother-in-law has failed to deliver because he died.  According to the terms of the contract the brother-in-law signed, if the shirts are not delivered in fifteen days, Bijlani will take possession of the factory and the family home.  (That is some contract.)  Bijlani is willing to be merciful, but only if Rahul agrees to marry Maya, who happens to be Bijlani's daughter.

Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke was an enormous hit when it was released, and I can see why.  There are no  real surprises here, but that's part of the charm.  This is a movie that chooses its formula and then executes it well.  The leads are charming, the villain daintily nibbles on the scenery, the gratuitous comic relief (Mushtaq Khan) is only kind of annoying, and Juhi wears an array of dowdy dresses in a rainbow of pastel colors, as if a closet full of Sunday dresses and a basket of Easter candy were fused together in a transporter accident.  It may sound like I'm damning with faint praise here, but I love this stuff.  It's cinematic comfort food.

Bhooty Call - Om Shanti Om

Unlike most of this month's movies, Om Shanti Om (2007) is not a horror movie in any way, shape or form.  It's a masala flick, a heady mix of comedy, romance, reincarnation revenge melodrama, and enthusiastic celebration of all things Bollywood.  It makes the cut because it also features the rare Reverse Scooby Doo, in which our scrappy heroes fake a haunting in order to scare Old Man Mehra into confessing to a murder.

Om Prakash Makhija (Shahrukh Khan) is a "junior artist", an extra who makes his living through bavkground parts in the glsmourous world of 1970's Bollywood.  He has a loyal best friend, Pappu (Shreyas Talpade), a loving and overdramatic mother (Khiron Kher), and a dream.  One day he will be a big star, live in a big house, and get to meet Shanti (Deepika Padukone), the famous actress that he worships from afar. 

 Om gets the chance to meet Shanti sooner than he expected, when there's a fire on set and he leaps through the flames to rescue her.  She's grateful, and agrees to spend one evening with him.  With Pappu's help, he pulls out all the stops, and arranges a magical evening on an empty set.  Shanti is delighted, and they part as friends.

But Shanti has a secret; she's secretly married to producer Mukesh Mehra (Arjun Rampal).  When Om finds out, he's heartbroken, but lets her go and, after a sad song, throws himself into his acting.

Unfortunately, Mukesh also has a secret: he's engaged to another producer's daughter, and can't have Shanti around to spoil things.  She pleads with him to reconsider, but it goes badly.  Really badly.

Mukesh burns the set down with Shanti inside, then as he leaves sends some goons to make sure she doesn't escape.  Om turns up at just the right time, tries to save her, is beaten by the goons, burned, blown up, and then hit by a car.  he dies.

And thirty years later, Om Kapoor is a big star living in a big house.  Life is great, apart from his severe pyrophobia and the crazy old lady who keeps showing up at his film shoots claiming to be his mother. 

And then Om goes to a film shoot at an abandoned studio that burned down thirty years ago, and meets his father's old friend Mukesh, and the memories of his last life all come flooding back.  He tracks down his previous mother and Pappu, and they come up with a plan.  Om will recruit Mukesh to produce the film he abandoned thirty years ago, then they will use a duplicate Shanti to convince him he's being haunted, driving him to confess to her murder.  And soon enough they find their duplicate Shanti when clumsy, start struck Sandy (also Deepika Padukone) auditions for the lead.

Writer-director Farah Khan clearly loves Bollywood, and this movie is stuffed with all the things she loves about it.  In all my years of watching Bollywood, this is the Bollywoodest bit of Bollywood that I have ever witnessed.  And it is well made.  Khan made her name as a choreographer, and the dance numbers are frequent and lively and shot with a choreographer's eye; the last number recaps the entire plot so far in a splashy Broadway style number which doubles as an exemplar of "I know what you did and I'm gonna get ya" because she's Farah Khan, and she can do that. 

And then there's Shahrukh Khan.  Khan is a gifted actor, but he rarely has a chance to demonstrate that fact; people want to see his carefully crafted persona, and so that is what he delivers.  Fortunately, he's really, really good at delivering his carefully crafted persona, and Om Shanti Om was written to play to his strengths.  SRK deserves some special credit for the celebrity cameo-filled song "Deewangi Deewangi", which requires him to establish distinct relationships with thirty one different celebrities, all in the space of a few seconds each, while dancing.  He manages to communicate a lot through small gestures.

Om Shanti Om is packed with the things I love about late Nineties/early Oughts Bollywood, and manages to cram in most of my favorite actors in the bargain.  It's one Johny Lever cameo short of the full experience.