Ground Control to Major Ram

You can’t really describe the premise of Main Hoon Na without it sounding silly, but I’ll do my best. General Bakshi (Kabir Bedi) has proposed Project Milsaap, a plan to release fifty Pakistani prisoners as a show of good faith, hopefully leading to a more permanent peace. Raghavan (Sunil Shetty), a fanatically anti-Pakistani terrorist, does not care for this plan, and demonstrates his displeasure by leading an attack on the talk show on which the General is discussing the plan. During the attack, the General is shown a picture of his estranged daughter Sanjana (Amrita Rao), the implication being that if she’s in range of a camera, she’s in range of a gun.

Since Sanjana has refused protection before, the General assigns his best man, Major Ram Prasad Sharma (Shahrukh Khan) to go undercover at St. Paul’s College. As a student. (Stop laughing! I know it’s yet another case of SRK pretending to be a college student, but at least this time the characters in the film notice the obvious age difference.) Ram is given a cover story about having had to give up his education because of family obligations.

Ram has his own reasons for accepting the mission. His own father, Brigadier Shekhar Sharma (Naseeruddin Shah, who played Captain Nemo in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) was mortally wounded in the attack, and on his deathbed he reveals the existence of a wife and another son. Ram was the product of an illicit affair, and when his mother died, he was dropped at Shekhar’s doorstep. Shekhar’s wife Madhu (Kiron Kher) refuses to live under the same roof as the boy, and takes her son Laxman with her into self-imposed exile. (Clearly, she never saw Dil Hai Tumharaa. Probably not a Preity fan.) He asks Ram to reunite the family; he wants both his sons to perform his last rites together. And as it happens, Laxman is currently a student at St. Paul’s College.

The straight-laced Ram arrives at school and makes a terrible first impression, especially with Sanjana and local slacker hero Lucky (Zayed Khan). After some snooping, Ram discovers that Lucky is really Laxman just in time to save his life in spectacular fashion, winning the respect of the entire student body (about forty people, near as I could tell) in the process.

Ram takes a room in Lucky and Madhu’s house, and begins to behave like a typical Bollywood hero by making the lives of everyone around him better. He pushes Lucky back onto the straight and narrow, helps Sanjana reconcile with her father, and arranges for Lucky and Sanjana to fall in love. Typical Bollywood stuff. Ram also falls in love at first sight with the new Chemistry teacher, Ms. Chandni (Sushmita Sen).

Meanwhile, after a botched assassination attempt, Raghavan and his men discover Ram’s true identity, so Raghavan goes undercover himself, as a science teacher. An evil science teacher.

Reading the above description, the film sounds terrible. It isn’t terrible. Though this was Farah Khan’s directorial debut, the woman clearly knows and loves film, and Bollywood in particular. There’s a sense of humility and enthusiasm about this movie that makes it very hard for me to dislike it. Watching it, I get the sense that Khan decided to make an action movie, and made a point of including everything she loves about action movies. That enthusiasm suffuses the film as a whole.
The action scenes are really good. (I loved the flaming rickshaw chase!) The references and tips of the hat to other action films are even better, from the obvious (Ram does the “Matrix dodge” at an unusual time) to the subtle (the climactic fight takes place in a church, with doves fluttering in the background.) There’s a visual involving the reflection of a Sholay poster which I found absolutely brilliant.

Also, Main Hoon Na is often very funny. In addition to the traditional and very broad Bollywood comedic bits, there are a number of loving jabs at Bollywood in general and the career of a Mr. Shahrukh Khan in particular. For instance, every time Ram sees Chandni, he can’t help but burst into song, and when he does, an orchestra always pops up into existence behind him. And speaking of Chandni, regardless of the situation or her location, her hair is always blowing in some unseen wind.

MHN is a virtuoso display of cinematic craft; the film takes a wide range of influences and weaves them together with such confidence and skill that I can’t help but applaud. Still, I have to admit I’m applauding with my head and not my heart. (Note to self: Find better metaphors.) While I found the film intellectually engaging, I didn’t really feel a connection with the characters or the story. So, Farahji, if you’re listening (because I’m sure major Indian celebrities have nothing better to do than to read my little weblog), well done. First class. MHN really is great, but next time I’d like to see something a little more focused on character. I know you can do it.

(Note from future me - she did!)